marți, 8 iulie 2014

prison break 1

It's all about love, about not judging, about being equal to yourself and to others.
It's all about anger, despair, (broken) trust, scattered dreams, broken families, lonely people.
It's all about rude people, punks, immigrants, outsiders, dreamers, pranksters, firestarters.
It's all about getting out of your comfort zone, about trust, about giving another chance when everyone turned their backs.
It's about learning how to get attached every fucking time, about giving a penny, about (maybe) saving a life.

I am a doctor and I use words like "fuck", "shit", "awesome", "dick head" and other very non catholic/orthodox (depends where you're standing) expressions every day.
I am a "prison doctor". I have fun every day with my guards, with my patients, with my colegues because we love our job.
I am who I choose to be day by day.
My favorite joke is answering to the question : "Where are you, Mada?" "I'm just getting out of jail".
I like to party, I love my job but above all I love my patients. I would do whatever it takes to help them. I am not delusional, I am not Jesus, they cannot be saved but they can be helped. And they need help.

Most of the people don't get it. Why did I choose to work there with the "scumbags" of our society?
Well, for several reasons, one of them would be that I don't think that I am better than they are?
Are you better than them? No, I don't think so. You cheat, you lie, you're greedy, you're arrogant, you're working for money, you're lazy, you're a little bitch in your everyday life, you're racist, you're envious. No one is perfect!
What would you do in their situation? Maybe the same! 
Do you know how it's like to lose everything? You don't! They do!

All this talk about equality, the only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die!". (Bob Dylan)

So I come as I am in front of them. They try to impress, to seduce, to make me scared ... in the end they are trying to get some emotions from me. 
Now is it good to show emotions to your patients? Maybe, maybe not. 

Addiction is a disease. Addiction is bad and rotten and vicious and...almost impossible to get ride of. It's normal to reject it if you don't try to understand it. 

"Doctor, you will not leave like the other doctors right, after 1 year!" 
"Well, I still have a long road ahead of me, I don't know if this is my final destination :)"
"At least you're honest."

It's impossible to explain the joy of every morning when I have to go to my work = prison is my happy place.
I also work in a private practice. It's not the same. I am stiff, I wear my smile and my pretty clothes, I am polite and professional with my Colgate smile. The difference is that in prison break I am free to express myself! At the practice my patient is my client = master. And I hate it, ooooh how I hate it!
It's like having a split personality : switching again and again and again.

It's my choice. It might not be the good one. I could be wrong, I could be right but I stepped out of my comfort zone a long time ago and I became happy.

I think is important to speak about it because it concerns all of us. Putting people in prison is not a solution. It just makes things worse (imagine a person "without person" and a criminal/rapist/drug dealer in the same cell for some months). Look at the "savages" living on their islands/in their forests : justice for all without extreme measures or with measures socially accepted by all the members of their community. And then look at us : "Uuuu, criminal, he was in jail!". Yes, he was because he has stolen food from the supermarket. How much our politicians are "taking" day by day? 
So, yes, I choose my patients. I'll be there when they wanna go!
You don't know their stories so stop judging and GET HUMAN!

I try to understand my patients trough music :) So I will leave you with my top 11 tracks :

1) Ozzy, junkie 

2) RHCP, Don't forget me         "... I'm the rainbow in your jail cell..."

3) Gogol Bordello, Alcohol

4) Eric Clapton, Cocaine

5) Pink Floyd, Have a cigar 

6) The velvet underground, Heroine

7) Black Sabbath, Sweet Leaf

8) Guns n' roses, Mr Brownstone

9) The rolling stones, Sister Morphine

10) John Lennon, Cold turkey 

11) Cypress Hill, Hits from the bong


Pictures taken this year in Berlin, in March! I fucking love this city! Freedom of speech!

duminică, 6 iulie 2014

le hasard

1. 21 years old, female, south africa, 2nd time in prison break.
    "Dr. I have to ask you something :)!"
    " Yes :) ?"
    "Do you know God?"
    "Well I didn't meet him yet but I heared about him."
    "Do you have a religious belief?"
    "Uhm, I am ortodox but I ... I don't know, I believe in a higher force."
    "But do you go to church?"
    "... not really"
    "I am an evanghelist and I have a gift, I have to tell you something...I have to spread the word."
    "Ok, you can tell me."
    "God have spoken to me, the world will end."
    " :) of course, it's also written in the bible :)"
    "Yes, but it will end soon and I have this gift, I have to spread the word."
    "Aren't you afraid that people will believe you're crazy?! if you say you talk to God?"
    "No, I have a mission."
    "Yes, we all do miss, but you seem to have a difficult task to complete."

She was standing in front of me, beautiful, smart, free, a true believer. I envied her for one moment. It seems difficult to envy someone who's in jail right? But the thing is that she is ... free. :) And, no, I don't think she's crazy.

2.  45 years old male, north africa, 45th time in prison break.
     "Hello Dr. ca va?" ( I always find very funny this question)
     "Yes, ca va and you?"
     "Well, great, I'm going out in 2 months! :)"
     "That's great news!! :) Do you have plans for outside?"
     "Yes, go outside and get a job and then get my family back!"
     "Hm, you know that it won't be easy."
     "Yes, it will, because with your help Dr. I will stop smoking weed, I used to smoke 15 joints/day, now I'm at 3/day but I cannot stop by myself and it ruins my life (starts to cry)."
      "Well I will ask you some question, you will be honest, and we will succeed!"

It turned out that he had a social phobia and a paranoia and that weed was his auto-medication.
I've started a treatment and I'm confident.
Where there's a will there's a way. And he wants to quit, and I'm there to support him.

:) I love my job! So many interesting people every day!

sâmbătă, 5 iulie 2014


Luxembourg is warm, happy, beautiful, coloured and chilled. I really, really loved it. People are smiling, are helping and they seem to be very happy.
Luxembourg is a state of mind, it's a statement. A statement that hard work, good manners and smiles can work. 
Luxembourg is peace. Street singers. Art. Cosy restaurants.
Luxembourg is coloured umbrellas and an awesome happy friend. Luxembourg is a smile!
They don't know how to fix a  strawberry Mojito but they sure have some fine chocolate (hot chocolate + brownie @ "Chocolate house" just in front of the Palace = heaven).

It was a perfect mini holidays, laughing 'till the end :)
I mean you loose some and you get some in exchange. The boy I liked ... it just didn't happen but on my way back to Strasbourg I met a lovely 58 years old jewish lady with Parkinson disease. The essential is not this, the essential is that this woman has a gift and despite her disease she has been blessed by life with 2 wonderful kids and lots of travels. One researcher and one midwife. The researcher is living in Japan, he's married with a Japanese lady and they have a 5 years old son. The great great mother of the Lady is alive and kicking it. I'm going to Japan next year with a friend. The husband of the midwife is a cardiologist with whom I work a lot but whom I've never met in flash and bones. The midwife is pregnant and I am invited to the circumcision ceremony of her son. Shalom I say and mazeltov! 

She said that there are no hazardous encounters in life and I believe she's write so Mazeltov!

On the other side they don't really have hippies/alternative people or maybe they were very well hidden...they were kind of stiff.

This is Luxembourgs song and Luxembourgs photos :

I really, really liked their idea with the colored umbrellas. Apparently there is the same in Portugal so I'll go see by myself with my friends. So, next trip : Portugal! Oleeeeeeeee!

miercuri, 25 iunie 2014


din mexic cu drag mi-ai adus bratara asta draga Anda.
cum drumurile noastre se intersecteaza mereu.
mi-esti draga tare si mandra esti!

vroiam doar sa iti multumesc pentru dar, e minunat, il port cu placere.
dar cel mai important dar pe care mi l-ai facut a fost in studentie, (si) de la tine am invatat determinarea :)

so, from Strasbourg with love, pana cand viata ne va desparti.

duminică, 22 iunie 2014

man of simple pleasures

"...   I'm a man, a man of simple pleasures,
I got all I need so give me whisky measures...

I've seen your future, so leave me alone in the past...

I am told the world is nearly ending
but when I look outside the birds are always singing

trying hard to pretend there's a future in your mad man rules..."

"... On meridians of madness 
On the parallels of love
We try hard, run from each other 
But our work is never done

I believe on a 100 dance nights
A 1000 ribbons were lost in hay 
And we try to hide from each other
But we learned too well to stay ..."

duminică, 1 iunie 2014


astazi este 1 iunie si este ziua mea, a ta, a lui, a ei, a noastra.
pentru ca suntem si ramanem mereu copii.
I will never shut down my inner child.
vremea trece, cadourile se schimba, de la dulciuri la lenjerie de la Darjeeling.
de la un cico la champagne.
de la o plimbare pe jos la o plimbare in decapotabila.
de la o iesire la concert la o ... iesire la concert.

nu cred ca exista sentiment mai minunat si mai eliberator pe lumea asta decat sa ... traiesti.
dar sa traiesti asa din plin, fara frica, sa te expui, sa te decarcasezi si sa spui : "Sa vina ce o veni, eu sunt pregatita! Daca e bine, e grozav, daca e mai putin bine, e experienta!".

Mi-a luat mult timp sa accept si sa inteleg si sa aplic spusele astea. Astazi pot!
Asa ca din toamna ma apuc de cursuri de dans iar vara viitoare o sa invat sa ma dau cu parapanta!
Libertate frate, poate supraspecialitate si viata de noapte!
Visele mele se implinesc cat bat din palme sau cat clipesc!

Daca nu mai scriu atat de des inseamna ca sunt acolo si traiesc frumos!
Pace si va multumesc pentru tot.
Cu mare drag,
Dr. Madalina

marți, 6 mai 2014

state of mind

I need to find my way back home again so I can be with my family and my friends.
Fuck this world I'm going back to wonderland!

Who would have thought that finding a 4 rooms apartment in Strasbourg could be such an exhausting adventure?!

Soon, soon...

vineri, 25 aprilie 2014

and I wanna

" And I wanna kiss you
make you feel alright
 I'm just so tired to share my nights 

I wanna cry and I wanna love
But all my tears have been used up...on another love..."

why do all the good girls only want the bad boys?
just once I should not set for the wicked one.
just once... but then again " russian roulette is not the same without a gun and baby if it's love if ain't rough than it's not fun!".

luni, 21 aprilie 2014


Cozonac = acasa.
Cozonac = Paste si Craciun = familie
Cozonac = prieteni nebuni care sa iti tina de lighean si care sa jure ca anul viitor nu mai fac sportul asta :D
Cozonac = trezit dimineata la 6, dus, rugaciune si mult suflet in aluat 
Cozonac = diminetile cu mama, framantand cozonacul pana cand "transpira grinda"
Cozonac cu nuca pentru noi si cozonac cu mac pentru tata.

Mers la biserica in familie, singura data pe an cand intra tata intr-o biserica. Cantat la unison, vocea tatei, vibrandu-mi in urechi si in inima. Cand tata canta timpul se opreste si inima mea danseaza ca o nebuna, scaldata in lumina.
De Paste trebuie sa porti ceva nou. De Paste trebuie sa ai inima curata. 

De data asta o sa petrec Pastele singura. Nu ma duc la Brasov si ai mei nu vin la mine.
Asa ca am facut cozonacii in acelasi timp, la Brasov si la Strasbourg. Numai ca mama a facut si pasca :) Miam!
Iar diseara o sa mergem la Biserica sa cantam si sa ne luminam toti 3 : ei acolo si eu aici. Dar eu sunt sigura ca o sa il aud pe tata, cantand si invers. Pentru ca kilometrii nu conteaza atunci cand inima e deschisa.

Asa ca Paste luminat, te astept cu drag in casele si inimile noastre!

sâmbătă, 19 aprilie 2014


pentru ca...soulfly!
pentru ca...a trecut prea mult decand nu am mai ascultat.
pentru ca...incerc sa imi exteriorizez asa furia!
pentru ca...ce se intampla in Ucraina putea sa se intample in Romania.
pentru sambata incep inlocuirile.
pentru ca....incep sa ma stresez un pic.
pentru vreau sa ma uit la patinaj artistic.

pentru ca...get the fuck out of my face!

De cand am inceput sa scriu postarea asta am inceput inlocuirile, am inceput sa lucrez la prison break, imi continui diploma universitara de TCC si dependente. Intre astea 3 incerc sa imi gasesc timp si pentru activitati non medicale dar este destul de greu. Sunt la o rascruce de vanturi si pentru ca I find it hard as fuck to let it go incep sa fac greseli. Greseli care sunt doar vina dezorganizarii mele. Acestea fiind zise, ma duc sa imi organizez agenda si sa imi fac ordine in ganduri. Am uriasa sansa de a fi singura in casa timp de 3 zile! La inceput am fost trista pentru ca o sa fiu singura de Paste. After that I realised that I am never alone and that my family and my friends are at just one phone call away.

Asa ca nu ramane decat sa ma organizez and off I go pentru urmatoarea saptamana de inlocuiri/remplacement @ the country side. As usual easy to say...

Singurul lucru care imi ramane de facut este sa repet : wild nature is my friend! wild nature is my friend! wild nature is my friend!

Nope, nu este Mary Poppins, este Dr. Madalina cu trusa de prim ajutor :)

Si dragul meu drag : Brancusi!

marți, 15 aprilie 2014

love yesterday and tomorrow

Am fost pana la capatul lumii si inapoi.
Am iubit si am urat cu aceeasi intensitate.
M-am zbatut de ceasul mortii si apoi am stat linistita, privind muntii.
Mi-am dat duhul si apoi l-am reluat in stapanire.
Am zburat in cerul azuriu printre norii de plus ca apoi sa la scufund in strafundurile Gaiei, printre pesti, acolo unde linistea este stapana.
Mi-am plans fiecare pierdere si am invatat sa ma despart de oameni si de posesiuni materiale.
Acum stiu sa accept ce a fost, ce este si ce va veni.
Pentru ca eu sunt...Omul nou !

Because I will for ever rolle like a stone

luni, 14 aprilie 2014

hate today

no love for tomorrow :) ah MM how I've missed you!

on dit en avril ne te decouvre pas d'un fil!

but all the pretty pretty ones will leave you low and blow your mind!

how the fuck did I get involved in this in the first place?

duminică, 6 aprilie 2014


F : "People like me are special. I think I'm special!"
Moi : "Yeees, you arrrre! "
F : "And rare!"
Moi : "Very! :))"
F : "Like unicorns"
Moi : " °_0 :)))))))))))))"

Did I say I love my flatmates?  When you get this WTF just happened feeling day by day! 

miercuri, 2 aprilie 2014

amintiri din copilărie. tata.

hoțul la mici...

ce fel de mașină e asta??? pui frână și chiar se oprește!!!

cornel e fericit!!!

vreau doar suc din dulceață!!! maduta, asa o sa fie toata viata. tu semeni cu mine : numai regimuri! si tine minte de la mine, foamea e cel mai bun regim. mda...

fute-i 2 marțuri si să mai meargă la oxford să mai studieze, eu așa fac.

buchetul de trandafiri de la gara dupa prima sesiune.

hai ca asta ne-ai mai povestit de 5 ori zi cum a fost?

mergi, madalina, munceste si daca nu te plateste ca sa inveti. numai prin munca inveti meserie. si meseria ta e tot ce ai. e sufletul tau.

In noaptea asta m-a sunat mama :
" Alo, Mada, nu ai vazut mesajul? (voce sparta)
  Nu, mami, ce mesaj?
  Sunt cu tata la urgente. Nu e bine, e conectat la monitorizare...Asteptam pana maine sa vedem ce zic si alti cardiologi.
 Pauza luuunga.
  Alo, Mada, mai esti?
  Da, mami, sunt...cum zicem noi?
  Nadejdea mea este Tatal, speranta mea este Fiul, acoperamantul meu este Duhul Sfant...
  Hai Mada o sa fie bine! Daca tu te panichezi eu ce sa fac?
  Da, mami, o sa fie bine..."

There's no rest for the wicked...

Ce ar vrea tata sa fac acum? Sa merg la somn, sa o iau maine de la capat ca si cum ar fi ultima zi, sa dau tot ce am mai bun si tot asa in fiecare zi!

"  Tati ce suntem noi?
   Oameni, Mada, suntem oameni simpli si corecti. Si luptam. Oricum viata e plina de cacat. Numai tu poti sa ti-o faci frumoasa. Sa fii om Mada, sa fii Om."

Tati, tu esti un luptator, mereu ai fost. Te rog sa invingi si de data asta. Si iti promit ca 10 ani de acum inainte o sa fiu copil cuminte. Am nevoie de tine. Si inca nu m-ai vazut mireasa. Chiar daca :
"Sper sa ai atata creier incat sa nu te casatoresti cu un prost caruia sa ii speli sosetele si chilotii toata viata!".
Nope, you thought me better!

marți, 1 aprilie 2014


This is the part when I say thank you. Thank you to all my friends who are always there for me. You lift me up when I am down (you know it's rare but when I'm down I'm really like 10 feet under). You make me sing, dance, smile, dream. You are  always there. Even if we are scatered all over the world.

Yesterday we celebrated me getting my dream job. And they were warm, happy, optimistic and just...perfect people! I wouldn't change a think about them! So we went and danced the night away. They made me forget some pains and made me a super nova! Hei, I even drunk beer! At 6 AM I was coming back home with M. and the birds were singing. The quiet was soooo perfect. And we stopped, hugged and said : "This moment is perfect!". So I am writing it down in order not to forget it. We know each other for like 6 months but we are...we know each other! He's my brother from another mother. 

" If it's one thing that I've learned over the years is that it only takes one person, one patient, one moment to change your life forever. To change your perspective, color your thinking, to force you to reevaluate everything you think you know. To make you to ask yourself the toughest questions : do you know who you are? do you understand what had happened to you? do you want to live this way?" 

Yes, I want to live the life that I am living. I am happy with my choices. It was a long way 'till here. 

I don't know how long I will stay but I know that I will do my best every day to improove. 

Give and never give up! 

Unafraid givers this is what I love the most!

My first bottle of champgane opened by moi (it was a long process, but nobody was hurt! :)