state of mind

I need to find my way back home again so I can be with my family and my friends.
Fuck this world I'm going back to wonderland!

Who would have thought that finding a 4 rooms apartment in Strasbourg could be such an exhausting adventure?!

Soon, soon...

addictologie

addictologie...I'm craving for it...it's in my blood stream, it's in my DNA, it's everything
mama, deci cum a putut sa fie conferinta asta!
a desirat!

genial!



cocaina, atatea lucruri nedescoperite inca si un sevraj atat de complex!
love, live, love!

de ce imi plac mie drogatii

Sau, mai polyticaly correct spus de ce imi place mie sa lucrez cu pacientii care au o addictie ( dependenta de ceva). Pentru ca sunt fucked up and I think I can fix them...asta cred unii. Ei bine, nu. Pentru ca eu nu cred ca trebuie sa ii vindec. I ain't Jesus and I can't walk on water. And I cannot heal people either.



Pentru ca imi place sa incerc sa inteleg mecanismul prin care s-a ajuns la addictia respectiva. What was it that pulled the trigger? Imi place sa ii ascult ( and God knows that it ain't easy all the time !), sa le vorbesc, sa ii incurajez, sa ii pun in garda vis a vis de toate complicatiile somatice care pot aparea ( and they are a lot and they are not easy to take care of), sa ii acompaniez in iadul lor si sa le arat ca there is a way to leave it all behind.

People tell all the time : " Look : a junkie! F***** piece of shit! It's all his fault! He shouldn't have drunk/took drugs in the first place, nobody obliged him!"



I tell to 'em : " But aren't you a fuckin' junky also? Like addicted to work, money, social insurance, nice clothes, make up, fast cars, sex or just being loved, your wife/husband, babies, cigarettes, social recognition, God, social acceptation, raw eating, shopping, cleaning, TV, computer, internet, mobile phone...so f*** off jerk! Stop bitching about others and just clean your own mess!"

But we are so good at judging others! It makes us feel better about our lives, about our own lies and compromises.

But we are clean, at least, right? Eu sunt cel mai bland si bun!

Eh uite ca tu nu stii ignorantule/ignoranto ca poate omul ala a fost violat ani la rand de catre mama/tatal sau, ca omului asta i s-a spus in copilarie ca e un cacat, ca omul asta e un timid iremediabil, ca omul asta are probleme psihiatrice grave, ca omul asta a pierdut TOTUL si doarme in strada, ca e multumit cand afara nu ninge/ploua, ca nu se poate uita in ochii altora, ca ii e rusine, ca e privit zilnic ca o lepra a societatii, ca nu a mancat de o saptamana, ca unii oameni se nasc din start fara nici o sansa ( da, da, exista si asa ceva ignorant mic!).

DA, sunt si mitomani, sunt si oameni care au facut totul sa ca nu reuseasca dar what about the others?

Am cunoscut fete violate ani la rand de ' tatii lor', necrezute si batute de mamalele dependente de tati 'pentru minciuna' care au descoperit ca lumea e un loc mai bun in spatele unui nor de THC sau in spatele unui shot de hero. Coca era singura lor prietena. In cartierul numai looserii invatau, in familie carti nu se citeau si TV domnea! Cand esti de partea cealalta a zidului, cum faci, ce faci ca sa iti fie tie bine? Apoi totul degenereaza. Initial hero e gratis, apoi pe bani/sex/obiecte de valoare. Scapi de tata si dai de un peste. Nu ai scoala si nu ai nici o retea de sustinere! De fapt, am putea zice ca nimeni nu stie ca tu existi!



La asta nu te-ai gandit nu? Cand treceai mandru in BMW ul tau/cu familia ta/ cu burgerul sau shaorma sub nas/ cu copilul imbracat dupa ultimul racnet.

So please just define your f***** necessities and STOP JUDGING OTHERS!
Because most of the time you're not better than them.
Just clean your own trash and let others try to clean their own when they are ready to do it!4




So, yes, I stand by their side, I will fight with them 'till the end. 'cause we all have demons, I sure appreciated my friends and family being there for me when I needed help!



The road is bumpy, o sa aiba recaderi, o sa revina, o sa aiba perioade mai bune. Dar o sa stie ca cineva e acolo, gata sa ii asculte si sa incerce sa ii ajute.

pe val, confesiune

In a manner of speaking

I just want to say

That I could never forget the way

You told me everything

By saying nothing

In a manner of speaking I don't understand

How love in silence becomes reprimand

But the way I feel about you

Is beyond words

...so in a manner of speaking I just want to say

that just like you, I should find a way

to tell you everything

by saying nothing!

confesiune : I am JUNKIE, I always been, I always will be.

My addiction? Garzile, nu pot sa traiesc nici cu ele nici fara ele. Mai ales fara ele.

Adrenalina; a rush of blood spining trough your head, mii de conexiuni pe minut, hora neuronilor, mar repede, mai bine!

...Addicted to death

You don't give a fuck

If it means your last breath...

Mada, poti sa faci garda de marti??

NNNNNNdaaaaaaaa!

:( ce pot sa spun? probabil daca m-as psihanaliza as spune ca incerc sa umplu un gol.