vitrine/la piata

cum o fi sa stai, sa numeri parai si sa nu ai nici un fel de griji?
cum o fi sa bei de 5000 de lei...
si cum ar fi daca-ntr-o buna zi nu ai mai fii tu?
si cum ar fi sa asculti AB4 la CT? intr-un bloc turn, pe plaja.

oare cum ar fi sa fii vanzator la piata sau intr-un magazin de LUX?
sau intr-o piata de LUX! ce este luxul?
no…"in your house I long to be, room by room patiently…"

La piata

Nu prea imi plac schimbarile, am micile mele obiceiuri si ma perturba schimbarea. Sunt ca o grumpy old lady. Schimbarea lucrurilor provoaca probabil o aprehensiune a esecului. Umana. Dar greu de acceptat pentru micii nevrozati ce suntem. J'aime mes petites habitudes!
Par exemple, de vreo 5 ani vizitez piata, sambata dimineata. La piata din Neudorf, Strasbourg.
Acest obicei i-l datorez Tinei. La fel ca si mancatul legumelor. La fel ca si acceptarea celorlalti si the striving for happiness but this will be detailed in another post.
Numai ca spre nefericirea noastra Tina a trebuit sa se mute la Paris, dupa ce a terminat PHdul. Numai acolo si-a gasit de lucru. Job-ul este uimitor. Parisul nu o pasioneaza, nici parizienii iar Strasbourgul ii lipseste enorm. Iar eu am ramasa fara un partener de facut piata.
Adica mi se pare de rahat. Piata este my happy place. My silent place. Locul unde imi pun gandurile in ordine. Mie imi place la piata, imi place mult, imi place de mor. Unii oameni chiar mor in piata. Ca domnul vanzator de la taraba cu produse din Italia, rapus de un infarct la locul de munca, in fata familiei lui.
Imi place mult si raionul de flori. Cu doamna florareasa care lucreaza impreuna cu fiul ei. Cateodata imi daruiesc flori. Are mereu zambetul pe buze, chiar si cand nu ii merge bine. De vreo doi ani nu mai lucreaza la piata. Nu stiu ce s-a intamplat. A disparut pur si simplu. As fi putut sa intreb ceilalti pietari ce s-a intamplat dar nu am indraznit. Mici nevrozati dupa culm ziceam. Rebeliunea nu este o calitate universala.

Doamna Harriet Tubman ar fi zis cam asa : "Am eliberat 1000 de sclavi. As fi putu sa eliberez inca 1000 daca ar fi stiut ca sunt sclavi."

Dar viata continua. Si viata continua. Si cu siguranta piata continua as the show must go on!
So I go on, as you go on...as we go on in circles...so here we go again.

"You don't know my mind, you don't know mi mind, dark necessities are part of my design!" RHCP

exercitiu de imaginatie

daca atunci cand eram mica vroiam sa fiu doctor
si apoi vroiam sa ma fac amabasador
si apoi m-am gandit ca limbile straine imi vor fi utile la ceva in viata
si cititul meu drag, reading my life away
si mersul pe jos, de pe alexandru vlahuta pana "pe livada" mi-a facut ordine in cap si in suflet

si daca iubirile mele m-au invatat un miliard de lucruri
si daca plecarile mele m-au facut mai puternica
si daca am trait 1000 de vieti si de morti prin calatoriile mele
si daca sentimentele le-am aruncat in Marea Caribelor
si daca am fost impreuna sa vedem Piratii din Caraibe
si ne-am dansat iubirea, durerea, sperantele si deziluziile...

asta inseamna ca in 2 ani voi vorbi germana
asta insemana ca voi avea un nou pasaport
asta inseamna ca toamna asta eu voi fi noi
si noi vom fi casatoriti si curand vom fi 3
si vom scrie si citi alte milioane de carti impreuna
si zambetul nostru va straluci de 1000 de ori mai puternic
si ne vom dansa viata in piruete si fluturari de vant si de par majestuoase
si Ikebana

as vrea ca fiecare om din viata mea sa stie cat de mult a insemnat pentru mine si ce impact puternic a avut pentru traiectoria mea

as vrea sa vad visul romanesc si sa-i spun cat il urasc, in continuare

se pare ca incepe o noua era
Amin!

PS : cat as vrea ca Alina si Viorica sa ma vada acum! Sper ca sunteti mandre de mine, de acolo de sus! Up ^^ never look back!

reality check!

Tocmai m-am intors din vacanta in Noua Caledonie. 3 saptamani de vacanta, soare, mare, nisip alb, palmieri, vetsul salbatic caledonian, rodeo, Insula Pinilor, snorkeling, botez de plonjare, piete colorate, inotat cu testoase si "dolce far niente".
Ca intotdeauna, am cunoscut oameni minunati pe drum!

O sa revin cu o relatare amanuntita a calatoriei spre si in Noua Caledonie care sper ca va fi utila tuturor celor gata de aventura! Pentru ca, da, Marea Caledonie este in primul rand o mare aventura, mai ales pentru o calatoare solo.

Deocamdata fac fata socului termic si decalajului orar asa cum pot : o baie fierbinte, o carte buna, pijamale de iarna si o patura!


I've just came back from my holidays in New Caledonia. 3 weeks of holidays, sun, sea, white sand, palm trees, the Caledonian wild west, rodeo, the Island of Pines, snorkeling, dive, colorful markets, swimming with the turtles and "dolce far niente".

I will come back with details, step by step, of my trip to New Caledonia. I hope this will be useful for everyone who wants to hop in this adventure. Because, yes, first of all NC is first of all a rad adventure, especially for solo travelers.

For the moment, I'm just coping as well as I can with the thermal shock and the jet lag : a hot bath, a great book, winter p-jas and a blanket!

Plaja de la Anse Vata/Anse Vata beach 

Car crash

remember, remember the 6th of December 2014 because that was the first day of the rest of my life : I received the gift of life the 2nd time.

play this first :




How today changed my life.

Today I had my first car accident.
I am physically fine. No contusions. Just my ego : broken.
I'm fine, everything's just fine but I am in a shock state which I think it's normal.

I was coming back from Nancy and at some point I was entering from a small road to the highway and my car start spinning. It happened so fast. I spinned like 4 or 5 times and hit the safety bar.

But while I was spinning, I realised that I'm out of control. I was spinning, my hands were clenched on the steering wheel, and my mind was...blank. For the first time in my life I had no idea whatsoever crossing my mind. Nothing! But I am pretty sure that I've seen a rainbow and I am sure that the song playing on the radio was "Beat it" from Mickael Jackson.

Like a robot I put on my security vest, I got out of the car on the other side as on my side the door was deformed, I put the triangle 5 m away from my car. Got back into the car and called the cops. And after a car stopped, the man took me out of the car, on the other side of the road. After what seemed to be an eternity (20 minutes) the cops came, moved my car, filled in the rapport and after that a big truck came and took us (me&Mona, my car) to the service. They told me that it's probably better to buy a new car than to repair Mona. My heart was broken. This is my first car, the first important material stuff that I bought with my own savings since coming in France. It has a big emotional value as it was a gift for my parents.
While I was thinking how should I give my parents the bad news that they don't/won't have a car anymore the truck guy told me :
" Anyways it's just a big  pile of metal! You don't realise how lucky you were that you didn't hit another car/other cars. You could have been dead/handicapped or you could have killed someone."

And then it hit me : he was so right! I was so lucky! I am alive!
But while I was spinning, I realised that I'm out of control. I was spinning, my hands were clenched on the steering wheel, and my mind was...blank. For the first time in my life I had no idea whatsoever crossing my mind. Nothing! But I am pretty sure that I've seen a rainbow and I am sure that the song playing on the radio was "Beat it" from Mickael Jackson.

This was my Saint Nicolas gift for me : the value of life (of course I could have done this a different way but I like pushing my limits and on the other side it would have been less life changing, just another brick in the wall). Dramatic pose. Oh, the fans!


Latter edit (the 9th of January 2015) : MONA is alive, she was saved by my beloved Hizo, our car "fixer" since ... forever. Love, peace and respect because he has the most awesome gold bracelet ("your job is your gold bracelet", Romanian saying).

prison break 1

It's all about love, about not judging, about being equal to yourself and to others.

It's all about anger, despair, (broken) trust, scattered dreams, broken families, lonely people.

It's all about rude people, punks, immigrants, outsiders, dreamers, pranksters, firestarters.

It's all about getting out of your comfort zone, about trust, about giving another chance when everyone turned their backs.

It's about learning how to get attached every fucking time, about giving a penny, about (maybe) saving a life.

I am a doctor and I use words like "fuck", "shit", "awesome", "dick head" and other very non catholic/orthodox (depends where you're standing) expressions every day.

I am a "prison doctor". I have fun every day with my guards, with my patients, with my colegues because we love our job.

I am who I choose to be day by day.

My favorite joke is answering to the question : "Where are you, Mada?" "I'm just getting out of jail".

I like to party, I love my job but above all I love my patients. I would do whatever it takes to help them. I am not delusional, I am not Jesus, they cannot be saved but they can be helped. And they need help.

Most of the people don't get it. Why did I choose to work there with the "scumbags" of our society?

Well, for several reasons, one of them would be that I don't think that I am better than they are?

Are you better than them? No, I don't think so. You cheat, you lie, you're greedy, you're arrogant, you're working for money, you're lazy, you're a little bitch in your everyday life, you're racist, you're envious. No one is perfect!

What would you do in their situation? Maybe the same! 

Do you know how it's like to lose everything? You don't! They do!

" All this talk about equality, the only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die!". (Bob Dylan)

So I come as I am in front of them. They try to impress, to seduce, to make me scared ... in the end they are trying to get some emotions from me. 

Now is it good to show emotions to your patients? Maybe, maybe not. 

Addiction is a disease. Addiction is bad and rotten and vicious and...almost impossible to get ride of. It's normal to reject it if you don't try to understand it. 

"Doctor, you will not leave like the other doctors right, after 1 year!" 

"Well, I still have a long road ahead of me, I don't know if this is my final destination :)"

"At least you're honest."

"Always."

It's impossible to explain the joy of every morning when I have to go to my work = prison is my happy place.

I also work in a private practice. It's not the same. I am stiff, I wear my smile and my pretty clothes, I am polite and professional with my Colgate smile. The difference is that in prison break I am free to express myself! At the practice my patient is my client = master. And I hate it, ooooh how I hate it!

It's like having a split personality : switching again and again and again.

It's my choice. It might not be the good one. I could be wrong, I could be right but I stepped out of my comfort zone a long time ago and I became happy.

I think is important to speak about it because it concerns all of us. Putting people in prison is not a solution. It just makes things worse (imagine a person "without person" and a criminal/rapist/drug dealer in the same cell for some months). Look at the "savages" living on their islands/in their forests : justice for all without extreme measures or with measures socially accepted by all the members of their community. And then look at us : "Uuuu, criminal, he was in jail!". Yes, he was because he has stolen food from the supermarket. How much our politicians are "taking" day by day? 

So, yes, I choose my patients. I'll be there when they wanna go!

You don't know their stories so stop judging and GET HUMAN!

I try to understand my patients trough music :) So I will leave you with my top 11 tracks :

1) Ozzy, junkie 

2) RHCP, Don't forget me         "... I'm the rainbow in your jail cell..."

3) Gogol Bordello, Alcohol

4) Eric Clapton, Cocaine

5) Pink Floyd, Have a cigar 

6) The velvet underground, Heroine

7) Black Sabbath, Sweet Leaf

8) Guns n' roses, Mr Brownstone

9) The rolling stones, Sister Morphine

10) John Lennon, Cold turkey 

11) Cypress Hill, Hits from the bong

*

Pictures taken this year in Berlin, in March! I fucking love this city! Freedom of speech!

mexicaniada

din mexic cu drag mi-ai adus bratara asta draga Anda.
cum drumurile noastre se intersecteaza mereu.
mi-esti draga tare si mandra esti!

vroiam doar sa iti multumesc pentru dar, e minunat, il port cu placere.
dar cel mai important dar pe care mi l-ai facut a fost in studentie, (si) de la tine am invatat determinarea :)

so, from Strasbourg with love, pana cand viata ne va desparti.

man of simple pleasures

"...   I'm a man, a man of simple pleasures,
I got all I need so give me whisky measures...

I've seen your future, so leave me alone in the past...

I am told the world is nearly ending
but when I look outside the birds are always singing

trying hard to pretend there's a future in your mad man rules..."





"... On meridians of madness 
On the parallels of love
We try hard, run from each other 
But our work is never done



I believe on a 100 dance nights
A 1000 ribbons were lost in hay 
And we try to hide from each other
But we learned too well to stay ..."

state of mind

I need to find my way back home again so I can be with my family and my friends.
Fuck this world I'm going back to wonderland!

Who would have thought that finding a 4 rooms apartment in Strasbourg could be such an exhausting adventure?!

Soon, soon...

Cozonac

Cozonac = acasa.

Cozonac = Paste si Craciun = familie

Cozonac = prieteni nebuni care sa iti tina de lighean si care sa jure ca anul viitor nu mai fac sportul asta :D

Cozonac = trezit dimineata la 6, dus, rugaciune si mult suflet in aluat 

Cozonac = diminetile cu mama, framantand cozonacul pana cand "transpira grinda"

Cozonac cu nuca pentru noi si cozonac cu mac pentru tata.

Mers la biserica in familie, singura data pe an cand intra tata intr-o biserica. Cantat la unison, vocea tatei, vibrandu-mi in urechi si in inima. Cand tata canta timpul se opreste si inima mea danseaza ca o nebuna, scaldata in lumina.

De Paste trebuie sa porti ceva nou. De Paste trebuie sa ai inima curata. 

De data asta o sa petrec Pastele singura. Nu ma duc la Brasov si ai mei nu vin la mine.

Asa ca am facut cozonacii in acelasi timp, la Brasov si la Strasbourg. Numai ca mama a facut si pasca :) Miam!

Iar diseara o sa mergem la Biserica sa cantam si sa ne luminam toti 3 : ei acolo si eu aici. Dar eu sunt sigura ca o sa il aud pe tata, cantand si invers. Pentru ca kilometrii nu conteaza atunci cand inima e deschisa.

Asa ca Paste luminat, te astept cu drag in casele si inimile noastre!

soulfly

pentru ca...soulfly!
pentru ca...a trecut prea mult decand nu am mai ascultat.
pentru ca...incerc sa imi exteriorizez asa furia!
pentru ca...ce se intampla in Ucraina putea sa se intample in Romania.
pentru ca...de sambata incep inlocuirile.
pentru ca....incep sa ma stresez un pic.
pentru ca...nu vreau sa ma uit la patinaj artistic.

pentru ca...get the fuck out of my face!














De cand am inceput sa scriu postarea asta am inceput inlocuirile, am inceput sa lucrez la prison break, imi continui diploma universitara de TCC si dependente. Intre astea 3 incerc sa imi gasesc timp si pentru activitati non medicale dar este destul de greu. Sunt la o rascruce de vanturi si pentru ca I find it hard as fuck to let it go incep sa fac greseli. Greseli care sunt doar vina dezorganizarii mele. Acestea fiind zise, ma duc sa imi organizez agenda si sa imi fac ordine in ganduri. Am uriasa sansa de a fi singura in casa timp de 3 zile! La inceput am fost trista pentru ca o sa fiu singura de Paste. After that I realised that I am never alone and that my family and my friends are at just one phone call away.


Asa ca nu ramane decat sa ma organizez and off I go pentru urmatoarea saptamana de inlocuiri/remplacement @ the country side. As usual easy to say...


Singurul lucru care imi ramane de facut este sa repet : wild nature is my friend! wild nature is my friend! wild nature is my friend!

Nope, nu este Mary Poppins, este Dr. Madalina cu trusa de prim ajutor :)

Si dragul meu drag : Brancusi!

unicorns

F : "People like me are special. I think I'm special!"
Moi : "Yeees, you arrrre! "
F : "And rare!"
Moi : "Very! :))"
F : "Like unicorns"
Moi : " °_0 :)))))))))))))"

Did I say I love my flatmates?  When you get this WTF just happened feeling day by day! 

amintiri din copilărie. tata.

hoțul la mici...

ce fel de mașină e asta??? pui frână și chiar se oprește!!!

cornel e fericit!!!

vreau doar suc din dulceață!!! maduta, asa o sa fie toata viata. tu semeni cu mine : numai regimuri! si tine minte de la mine, foamea e cel mai bun regim. mda...

fute-i 2 marțuri si să mai meargă la oxford să mai studieze, eu așa fac.

buchetul de trandafiri de la gara dupa prima sesiune.

hai ca asta ne-ai mai povestit de 5 ori zi cum a fost?

mergi, madalina, munceste si daca nu te plateste ca sa inveti. numai prin munca inveti meserie. si meseria ta e tot ce ai. e sufletul tau.

In noaptea asta m-a sunat mama :
" Alo, Mada, nu ai vazut mesajul? (voce sparta)
  Nu, mami, ce mesaj?
  Sunt cu tata la urgente. Nu e bine, e conectat la monitorizare...Asteptam pana maine sa vedem ce zic si alti cardiologi.
 Pauza luuunga.
  Alo, Mada, mai esti?
  Da, mami, sunt...cum zicem noi?
  Nadejdea mea este Tatal, speranta mea este Fiul, acoperamantul meu este Duhul Sfant...
  Hai Mada o sa fie bine! Daca tu te panichezi eu ce sa fac?
  Da, mami, o sa fie bine..."


There's no rest for the wicked...




Ce ar vrea tata sa fac acum? Sa merg la somn, sa o iau maine de la capat ca si cum ar fi ultima zi, sa dau tot ce am mai bun si tot asa in fiecare zi!

"  Tati ce suntem noi?
   Oameni, Mada, suntem oameni simpli si corecti. Si luptam. Oricum viata e plina de cacat. Numai tu poti sa ti-o faci frumoasa. Sa fii om Mada, sa fii Om."



Tati, tu esti un luptator, mereu ai fost. Te rog sa invingi si de data asta. Si iti promit ca 10 ani de acum inainte o sa fiu copil cuminte. Am nevoie de tine. Si inca nu m-ai vazut mireasa. Chiar daca :
"Sper sa ai atata creier incat sa nu te casatoresti cu un prost caruia sa ii speli sosetele si chilotii toata viata!".
Nope, you thought me better!

Contract

This is the part when I say thank you. Thank you to all my friends who are always there for me. You lift me up when I am down (you know it's rare but when I'm down I'm really like 10 feet under). You make me sing, dance, smile, dream. You are  always there. Even if we are scatered all over the world.

Yesterday we celebrated me getting my dream job. And they were warm, happy, optimistic and just...perfect people! I wouldn't change a think about them! So we went and danced the night away. They made me forget some pains and made me a super nova! Hei, I even drunk beer! At 6 AM I was coming back home with M. and the birds were singing. The quiet was soooo perfect. And we stopped, hugged and said : "This moment is perfect!". So I am writing it down in order not to forget it. We know each other for like 6 months but we are...we know each other! He's my brother from another mother. 


" If it's one thing that I've learned over the years is that it only takes one person, one patient, one moment to change your life forever. To change your perspective, color your thinking, to force you to reevaluate everything you think you know. To make you to ask yourself the toughest questions : do you know who you are? do you understand what had happened to you? do you want to live this way?" 

Yes, I want to live the life that I am living. I am happy with my choices. It was a long way 'till here. 

I don't know how long I will stay but I know that I will do my best every day to improove. 

Give and never give up! 

Unafraid givers this is what I love the most!

My first bottle of champgane opened by moi (it was a long process, but nobody was hurt! :)

happy

I just love this song. It's difficult not to share a smile when you're listening to it. If I am at home I instantly start dancing. It comes naturally. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth.

Face asteptarea mai dulce. Pentru ca uneori asteptarea este...lunga. So I just go in my world of fantasies...
Curios cum o seara poate schimba totul. O intalnire cu un irakian muzician, cu vreo 40 de ani mai in varsta decat mine dar cu un suflet de copil! Om frumos si vesel, cu maini magice. Om colorat, om daruit. O m care daruieste si imparte fara regrete. Om care traieste ca si cum maine nu exista. Om care traieste numai si numai in prezent. Cate putem sa invatam de la cei din jurul nostru, este minunat!

Ne facem rau cand criticam. I thought that you were nice but  you were otherwise...

Ne facem rau cand ne agatam de lucruri materiale, cand ne agatam de oameni. Daca cineva decide sa iasa din viata ta inseamna ca nu a trebuit sa fie acolo de la bun inceput. Daca ai invatat ceva din pasajul lui/ei esti norocos. Daca ai reusit sa faci sa tresara ceva in inima celuilalt chiar si pentru cateva minute/zile...e bine; esti bine.

Ochii care nu se vad se uita, din fericire, uneori. Noroc ca Dumnezeu a lasat uitarea pe acest Pamant.
Oare este adevarat ca vezi in jurul tau ceea ce vrei sa vezi? Ca ceea ce esti tu in interior se reflecta in jurul tau? Pentru ca atunci e bine...vad oameni fericiti si dornici sa invete, sa se dezvolte, vad copii in corpuri de adult, vad soare, cer albastru, copaci infloriti, piete de duminica, biciclete...cam asa.

El a fost in Franta dar eu eram la Berlin. Ne-am ratat la cateva zile distanta. Nu a fost sa fie nici de data asta. Dar e OK. Suntem OK after all this years we both healed. And we both grow up in the persons that we've wanted to be, and strangely we did not grow apart. I wish you luck, sun, smiles and love sailor!










Deci e Primavara :)





Meanwhile in Berlin :

will

" where there's a will there's a way, you can get it
   the old daily grind drags you down, if you let it!"



stay curious!

enjoy the ride!

smile forever and a day!

kiss, kiss, bang bang

... you're dead. I hate packing but I love travelling. So , as usual, I am packing just now...

like a stone

cantecul asta spune totul.

"... I'll wait for you there like a stone
I'll wait for you there alone...

And on I read until the day was gone;
And I sat in regret of all the things I've done;
For all that I've blessed, and all that I've wronged,
In dreams until my death I will wonder on.

In your house I long to be
Room by room patiently
I'll wait for you there alone...like a stone...."





Berlin here I come! Please, help me forget!

:))

Moi : "so...what's you age again? you turned like...29?!"
Fulga : "do you want me to kill you now or later on? you know that my biological clock will kill you!"
Moi : "yes, without blinking!"
Fulga : "Why aren't you a guy??!!"
Moi : "Hmmmpfff... I don't know :))"
Fulga : "Anyways you would be too short and not asian!"
Moi : "Yes but you'd love my personality and my guts and other stuff... :D"
Fulga :  "Mmm, yeah... meanwhile let's not talk about my age again..."
Moi :  "Or other weird stuff... :))"
Fulga: "Word!"


Fulga is one of my flatmates!

I would like you to listen to BOY while reading this

how long does it takes...

... for you to see inside of me?


"... Arată-te
Dezbracă-te
Şi arata-mi
Unde am greşit
O mană atinsă
Ramasă aprinsă
Chiar dacă ţine
Acum un cuţit..."

Cosmarul

Aseara am visat ca eram posedata de un demon. Eram constienta de asta si incercam din rasputeri sa ma opun. Dar pe de alta parte era si un sentiment de fatalitate acolo. Eram in apartamentul de la Brasov, in bucatarie si i-am zis ca daca nu pleaca din viata mea voi sari pe geam. Demonul a ras indelung, tare, coarnele si barba tresaltandu-i la fiecare rafala de ras. Ca si cum mi-ar fi spus : "Unde vrei sa fugi copila proasta? Nu poti fugii de tine insuti!". Da, cred ca era demonul meu. In lumina ultimelor evenimente seems to make sense. Dar m-am trezit foarte intoarsa pe dos. M-am trezit cu un sentiment de infinita tristete si parca de invingere. Mi-am dat seama ca de proprii nostri demoni nu prea avem cum sa scapam, sau ca cel putin nu este deloc evident. Poate ca intr-o zi voi reusi sa trec de "totul sau nimic".


Apoi m-am urcat in masina si ploua. Cerul era tare gri. M-am dus la Dr. K sa preiau cheile de la cabinet si ca sa mai vad o data cum functioneaza toata partea de informatica. Iar in timp ce el imi explica faptul ca : "Acestea sunt storurile venetiene, trebuie sa le ridici cu delicatete!" ;) ma uitam la cerul gri. Dar gri, gri! Ca apoi sa imi zica asa ca o sa imi lase stagiarul pentru cateva zile...super, nu e de ajuns ca sunt un pic stresata dar acum o sa am si stagiarul pe cap! Si nu e vb ca nu imi place sa explic, imi place enorm dar poate ca nu chiar in prima saptamana de stagiu...en fin.