Rough on the edges

I'm not an easy like Sunday morning person. I'm rough on the edges.

I don't want excuses, I want results. Mediocrity isn't accepted. 

Being compassionate with everyone is a must. You discriminate because of a religion, a skin color, a belief, a not so clean record, of clothes, of looks you get the fuck out of my unit. And, yes, I'm tough! If not I couldn't resist until now. I know what I want and I'm gonna get it. I'm going to dance my way trough life. 

Since I was a child some people doubted me : I'm to short, I'm to shy, I don't speak loud, I mumble if I'm scared, I don't come from an intellectual enough family (after whom standards?), I should lose some weight, I should stop wearing my baggy jeans, out with my nose piercing!, no red lipstick it will make visible my "stache" (seriously, from my high school class responsible who was a very very unprepared biology teacher and a bag full of communists ideology and speeches told me this). 

I've said "fuck you all" and left. 

I've done my thing as my "not smart/noble enough parents" thought me. I've been honest, fair, I've worked my ass of and I was strict as fuck! Of course this gets you into problems in an era where "political fairness" reins. But you know what? What counts is the life of your patient. You're continuously distracted, you're continuously tired, we ask constantly to much from you, you feel like you can't do it anymore? Then quit, probably you're not made for this job.

I'm so sick and tired to seeing doctors who don't care about their patients. It makes me sad and it helps me realize how lucky I was to stumble upon doctors who were also great human beings.

'cause for me a good doctor has to listen, feel and don't judge his patient. Then comes the knowledge, as essential as it's for me it's not the essence. 

Vietnam 2015

Montpellier, France, Mai 2016

Montpellier, Mai 2016

Far, Montpellier 2016

Addictology.2.'till I collapse

My first pregnant women on dope.

Tuesday 9 AM

Alo, Madalina, this is M... (the midwife) you have to go to HTP. There's a pregnant woman with a severe heroine withdrawal syndrome. 5 months. no follow up. Social status:disaster(no home, sex industry)..

Well, I'm in prison this morning so I cannot just leave like this. Then we have the ob-gyn staff. 3 consults and then I'll go.

No, you have to go now.

No, it will wait 'till 6 PM.


Tuesday 9.30 AM

Good morning, Madalina, here's L...(the psychiatrist) there's a woman at HTP. You have to go and see her ASAP.
F... you, I won't do what you tell me! As I've said, I'll be there at 6 PM, AFTER I finish my shift in prison and AFTER my consultations.

Tuesday 10.00 AM

Hello, Madalina, N.....on the line(chief nurse)
I've said 6 PM!!!
OK, could you at least give the ob-gyn some explanations on the phone.
NO, I cannot give directions without seeing the patient. What's wrong with you people!?!!!

Tuesday morning 10.30 AM

Hello Dr R this is the ob-gyn intern. May I ask you some questions??
What's the pb people, I'm working in prison, I have to see patients, how can I do this is everyone keeps calling me non stop??§!§§§
OK, do this and this and this...

Does she at least wants a substitution treatment?
Yes.
Okay I'll be there as soon as I can.

6 PM
I've met the patient.
I've went to see her every morning and evening before and after work.
12h working days.

After 4 months a healthy, beautiful, bundle of joy was burn.

Mme H respected our "deal" made in that hospital room at 7.00 PM.

I'll trust her and respect her as a patient and a human being. I'll help her find a home and have access to decent health care.
In exchange regular medical check ups, no drugs and no working on the streets. We shook hands and then I knew that we both have no returning.
No one believed in us. We've had to make it! Against all odds and misconceptions.
Because we were outcasts and we knew how much means an open heart and a smile.

She did it! She was shining with her baby in her arms.
And that day I've felt in love with my 3rd job: pregnancy and drugs!

Medicina generala sau viata ca o prada

"Mais Madalina, ca c'est comme un monument! Ca se visite!"

Era vorba despre o pacienta de 115 ani!!!

The truth is that I am lost! Completely lost! After 9 years I thought that I will finally get to do what I always dreamed to do : Addictology, but in the end things aren't working on exactly as I planned. But I have hope. Because I know that things happen for a reason and I know that someday the pieces of the puzzle will fall down in their right places. Because people aren't able to imagine what a war Med School is, it's impossible for a non-doctor to know. We are suffering a psychological torture during many years. We learn to run before we walk! You have to be though, you have to sometimes walk on bodies in order to get what is yours. For instance nobody imagines how we are treated like a sub-human-race during a lot of our surgical or medical stages. You don't have a name, you're "it", "number zero". You don't sleep, you eat when you can and what you can, you do sometimes everything except medicine. And it's hard as hell to hear from the one who should be your teachers, your role-models : "You're stupid/useless/a disgrace for the medical world, you'll never be a good Dr. In fact, you'll never be a Dr. 'cause you'll never pass my exam!". It happened to my mates, it happened to all of us; medical students. And not just once. Many people will trough in your face the classical phrase : "Don't complain, it's you who have decided to choose this path!". True, but no one can prepare you for what follows. And the internship it's long and we are still underrated, we are not looked as physicians/doctors, we're just "the real doctors mignons". We are trained to work as slaves, fetch food and coffee, and if possible think but always present your idea as your bosses idea. Gratifying isn't it? You learned 6 years to be the "doctors pet". Life in plastic is fantastic. And don't get me start of some patients! (just some, luckily not lots of them). It goes something like THIS.

So you learn what and how you can. And try to get the best out of it!

After 9 years I still don't know what I'll do, exactly. I know what I want to do but I am still not sure how I will get it. And a very old dream rises again : Medicina fara frontiere!

























DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME, I WON'T BE IGNORED!!!

But one thing is cristal clear : what lucky were we to grow up with this amazing music. When rock was still rock! And music was not shit and not porn! Take everything from the inside and trough it all away, 'cause I swear for the last time, I won't trust myself again with you. I WON'T WASTE MYSELF ON YOU!
Anger is good sometimes, it can clear your mind and your guts. And babies, drooling and laughing babies, this also helps, they can take you to a happier place. And dogs, dogs always work!







I know the album "Hybrid theory" by heart, the best LP album.
I also know "Korn", "Life is peachy" and "Follow the leader" by Korn, by heart. That was music.




















And it appears clear to me now that I was never born to do medecine for the rich and ungrateful. I have a mission to help the weak ones. You know that I know that I am no Messia but I will do my best to help the one in need. 'cause I know that a friend in need is a friend in deed. Once I took the HIPPOCRATE OATH and I do not intend to break it. Not for you my rich, fat, ungrateful piece of garbage. Although in the end your ignorance is bliss. People are dying of starvation and you complain that you have to pay 2 euros for a fucking pommade??? When you never worked your entire life, you were just "pretty" besides you're successful husband? As I said ignorance is bliss but I will not be part of your game! And you loose a very good doctor, just so you know!














So humanitarian medicine and addictology here I come!!!

In Martinica cu o doamna comercianta localnica. May the colors be back!!!

ganduri de duminica 2

" well...I guess I`m trying to confess that I am starting to get...old??!!
All the latest music fads all passed me by and left me cold
All the kids are talking slang I won't pretend to understand
All my friends are getting married, mortgages and pension plans
And it's obvious my angry adolescent days are done
And I'm happy and I'm settled in the person I've become
But that doesn't mean I'm settled up and sitting out the game
Time may change a lot but some things may stay the same

And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
And I won't sit downAnd I won't shut upAnd most of all I yeah I won't grow up
Oh maturity's a wrapped up package deal so it seemsAnd ditching teenage fantasy means ditching all your dreamsAll your friends and peers and family solemnly tell you 
Oh when no ones yet explained to me exactly what's so great
About slaving 50 years away on something that you hate, 
about meekly shuffling down the path of mediocrity
Well if that's your road then take it but it's not the road for me...

you will Have to grow up be an adult 
yeah be bored and unfulfilled"






pentru desfatarea ochiului si a sufletului finala de tenis masculin de la Australian Open intre Muray si Djokovic...go eeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssttttttttttttt! and the winner is Djokovic, oh yeah, oh yeah, buiaaaaaaaaaaaaa :)
musaca...am pus prea multa carne cred, da un pic pe afara sosul, fum, agitatie, un deget ars in urma micului incident caznic, I hate cooking, I really, really do! except for deserts which I love.

visez la o vacanta! mi-e dor de Romanica. banuiesc ca asta e paradoxul imigrantului: you can live in Romania but you cannot live without it. anyways, with or without you : 





vertigo, I really, really want to go to a U2 concert!!! is it getting better or do you feel the same? is it easier for you now that you have someone to blame?
another study when you should study yet...so many things to do beside that.
I want to go somewhere far far away, somewhere warm where people are happy and they know to appreciate life. somewhere where living is more important than consuming. where capitalism means nothing and love means everything. where money is nothing and hope rules. where leaders are honest and true to themselves and to the people they are ruling. I wanna go somewhere!
the truth is that...I'm scared like hell when I think that I will finish my internship in 9 months.
I wanna do Doctors without borders, I want it so bad! since like...forever! If I will not get the job in Addictology I will really consider the opportunity to do DWB. 
In the end we are what we leave behind : our work, our children, but mostly the destiny of people that we influence. And I will be old I wanna have a story to tell! Because I think that actually you are either born simple or you are born...me.
Inchei cu imaginea dragului nostru brad de Craciun care si-a naflat obstescul sfarsit vineri la ora 15, la zona de reciclare Koenigshofen, Strasbourg! R.I.P. best Christmas tree ever!