Morphine

Sur la Morphine


"       C'est n'est pas "un état d'anxiété", c'est une morte lente qui s'empare du morphinomane pour peu qu'on le prive de sa morphine une heure ou deux.  L'air lui fait défaut, il ne peut pas l'avalere...pas une cellule de son corps qui ne soit pas en manque... de quoi?  Impossible à définir ou à expliquer.   Bref, l'homme n'est plus.  Il est déconnecté.  Ce qui se meut, ce qui s'angoisse, ce qui souffre, c'est un cadavre.  Il n'aspire et ni ne pense à rien d'autre qu'à la morphine. 
       
         La morphine!

         Mourir de soif est un mort paradisiaque, bienheureuse, comparée à la soif de morphine.  C'est ainsi, sans doute, qu'un enterré vivant s'efforce d'attraper les dérisoires dernières bulles d'air de son cercueil et se lacère la poitrine avec les ongles.  C'est ainsi qu'un hérétique gémit et se débat sur le bûcher lorsque les premières flames lui léchent les pieds... La mort, une mort à sec, à petit feu ..."

 

                    Mikhail Bulgakov, "MORPHINE"


Pentru ca Bulgakov este in topul meu 10.
Pentru ca addictia nu este o probleme de vointa.
Pentru ca addictia te face sa zbori, te ajuta sa traiesti dar te si ingroapa de viu.
Pentru ca oamenii astia sunt oameni speciali.
Pentru ca au nevoie sa fie intelesi, sprijiniti si vazuti.
Pentru ca oamenii astia sunt tot ceea ce este ascuns in noi!







Din punct de vedere muzical cred ca this deep amazing voice sounds a lot like morphine. Mark Sandman died in 1999, infarct.

le hasard

1. 21 years old, female, south africa, 2nd time in prison break.

    "Dr. I have to ask you something :)!"

    " Yes :) ?"

    "Do you know God?"

    "Well I didn't meet him yet but I heared about him."

    "Do you have a religious belief?"

    "Uhm, I am ortodox but I ... I don't know, I believe in a higher force."

    "But do you go to church?"

    "... not really"

    "I am an evanghelist and I have a gift, I have to tell you something...I have to spread the word."

    "Ok, you can tell me."

    "God have spoken to me, the world will end."

    " :) of course, it's also written in the bible :)"

    "Yes, but it will end soon and I have this gift, I have to spread the word."

    "Aren't you afraid that people will believe you're crazy?! if you say you talk to God?"

    "No, I have a mission."

    "Yes, we all do miss, but you seem to have a difficult task to complete."

She was standing in front of me, beautiful, smart, free, a true believer. I envied her for one moment. It seems difficult to envy someone who's in jail right? But the thing is that she is ... free. :) And, no, I don't think she's crazy.

2.  45 years old male, north africa, 45th time in prison break.

     "Hello Dr. ca va?" ( I always find very funny this question)

     "Yes, ca va and you?"

     "Well, great, I'm going out in 2 months! :)"

     "That's great news!! :) Do you have plans for outside?"

     "Yes, go outside and get a job and then get my family back!"

     "Hm, you know that it won't be easy."

     "Yes, it will, because with your help Dr. I will stop smoking weed, I used to smoke 15 joints/day, now I'm at 3/day but I cannot stop by myself and it ruins my life (starts to cry)."

      "Well I will ask you some question, you will be honest, and we will succeed!"

It turned out that he had a social phobia and a paranoia and that weed was his auto-medication.

I've started a treatment and I'm confident.

Where there's a will there's a way. And he wants to quit, and I'm there to support him.

:) I love my job! So many interesting people every day!

passion with a stranger

call it love, call it whatever you want if it suits you, take what you need, take everything that this world has to give you and you won't owe anyone a thing 'cause it's said and done...go on now and have fun!







sometimes you just have chemistry.
sometimes you don't feel anything at the beginning and after that it comes slowly.
sometimes you have love but you don't have chemistry.
if you have chemistry and love...you're kind of blessed!

it's been like I've been trapped under the ice. nothing to lose, nothing to gain... no regrets! just memories! as many memories as possible!

When in doubt, drink Champagne! :D

Mederic tonight is the night we'll fight 'till is over! So we'll put our hands up like the ceiling can't hold us! :D

Job! Magic pills!

Stras my love!

The old crib! Pe vremea cand aveam o terasa ce bine eraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

it's that time of the year...

when you arrive at home in the evening with your hands frozen and your legs shaking 'cause it's cold.
when you cannot remember the last time when you've seen a pinguin or a sane person.
when you ask yourself how would it be if everything will stop now, here, like this. would you be happy or you would try to rewind it and do it the other way around?
when you seek comfort and strenght but you do not find them all the time.
when you drink tones of tea of all the flavours of the world and suddenly the world seem to be a better place.
when you wish being in a more coloured and peaceful place 'cause the grass is always greener on the other side, ain't it?
when you like going to work and listening to robbie wiliams in your headphones or TopMusic in your car.
when you wish so so much that you have a dog who will love you no matter what and will never bitch abount anything!
when you love your job but hate all the amount of time and energy that she's taking from you.
when you would like to go to a walk in the park but you are too tired even for sleeping, and besides that it's cold and it's raining, and you didn't bought yet your new umbrella.
when a friend in need is a friend indeed but a friend with solutions would be better.
when everybody is friendly with everybody even tough they hate them or their guts, it's called society.
when you know that people are not equal, never were and never will be, and never should be.
when you're silence is causing violence, where are you mistaking?
when you swallow your words.
when you make muffins.
when you are the only crazy person who wants to be on call in the emergency room after the finish of the internship period.
when you realize that children are not as bad as they seem..
when you would like some new clothes and boots but...no, another time.
when you realize that it's not your time today!
when you love the light in your room and the smell of cacao.
when you cuddle in the arms of the loved one.
when you hate it so much when people are cursing and bitching and complaining all day long! because you realize that you will end like them if you let them eat you alive.
when you gonna go somewhere where people are simple and kind, where faith and hope are a way.
when your day is too short for all the things you have to do.
when you say hello to a stranger with whom you'll work 2 months, from Monday 'till Friday. who has a huge mahon desk with the map of the world on it, and seems like an acient magician.
when you would write more and more beautiful but somethinh is getting in your way...



I'm just looking
I'm not buying!
I'm just looking
Keeps me smiling!

Imagine luata de pe facebook!

wish list vs to do list

wish list: unicorns I love them,so an Unicorne please :P
not to go with my parents to hospitals
no more anger, sadness, tears, fear
more positive feelings from now on
wish for Him to come here&,this time,stay here with me
a dog, ok 2 dogs...1 labrador si un vagabond
more synaptic connections please, more brain
focus focus focus
more sun and huge windows
new books, not medical one, of course
better improving skills for my social skills

to do list: make people feel better
go to doctors with my parents and Him
go to doctor for myself
administrative stuff
write more letters or, at least, e-mails
buy a flower!

Learn more, read more, sleep less. Although j`adore faire la grasse matinee ...this is not good for my body nor for my brain so I should stop. I will stop, someday.

I`m going home on 18 February. See my parents after 4 months or more.

I wish I could tell more.

I wish I could help myself and help others more.

I wish I was special.

I wish I was in.

Is it me or from a certain age learning becomes more and more difficult? You get to have focus problems and have the impression that your brain is full of synapses that are not working anymore. There like in Bahamas, just chillin` at a cocktail on a beach party and yelling back at you:"No, we don`t want to learn anymore,bitch!!!" Strike strike strike...