Car crash

remember, remember the 6th of December 2014 because that was the first day of the rest of my life : I received the gift of life the 2nd time.

play this first :




How today changed my life.

Today I had my first car accident.
I am physically fine. No contusions. Just my ego : broken.
I'm fine, everything's just fine but I am in a shock state which I think it's normal.

I was coming back from Nancy and at some point I was entering from a small road to the highway and my car start spinning. It happened so fast. I spinned like 4 or 5 times and hit the safety bar.

But while I was spinning, I realised that I'm out of control. I was spinning, my hands were clenched on the steering wheel, and my mind was...blank. For the first time in my life I had no idea whatsoever crossing my mind. Nothing! But I am pretty sure that I've seen a rainbow and I am sure that the song playing on the radio was "Beat it" from Mickael Jackson.

Like a robot I put on my security vest, I got out of the car on the other side as on my side the door was deformed, I put the triangle 5 m away from my car. Got back into the car and called the cops. And after a car stopped, the man took me out of the car, on the other side of the road. After what seemed to be an eternity (20 minutes) the cops came, moved my car, filled in the rapport and after that a big truck came and took us (me&Mona, my car) to the service. They told me that it's probably better to buy a new car than to repair Mona. My heart was broken. This is my first car, the first important material stuff that I bought with my own savings since coming in France. It has a big emotional value as it was a gift for my parents.
While I was thinking how should I give my parents the bad news that they don't/won't have a car anymore the truck guy told me :
" Anyways it's just a big  pile of metal! You don't realise how lucky you were that you didn't hit another car/other cars. You could have been dead/handicapped or you could have killed someone."

And then it hit me : he was so right! I was so lucky! I am alive!
But while I was spinning, I realised that I'm out of control. I was spinning, my hands were clenched on the steering wheel, and my mind was...blank. For the first time in my life I had no idea whatsoever crossing my mind. Nothing! But I am pretty sure that I've seen a rainbow and I am sure that the song playing on the radio was "Beat it" from Mickael Jackson.

This was my Saint Nicolas gift for me : the value of life (of course I could have done this a different way but I like pushing my limits and on the other side it would have been less life changing, just another brick in the wall). Dramatic pose. Oh, the fans!


Latter edit (the 9th of January 2015) : MONA is alive, she was saved by my beloved Hizo, our car "fixer" since ... forever. Love, peace and respect because he has the most awesome gold bracelet ("your job is your gold bracelet", Romanian saying).

unicorns

F : "People like me are special. I think I'm special!"
Moi : "Yeees, you arrrre! "
F : "And rare!"
Moi : "Very! :))"
F : "Like unicorns"
Moi : " °_0 :)))))))))))))"

Did I say I love my flatmates?  When you get this WTF just happened feeling day by day! 

Asteptarea

Este cea mai urata parte din proces. Asteptarea. You are just lingering between life and death, between sorrow and joy, between black and white. And what do you do while life is passing you by?





Drink a good coffee and eat à maccaron or à chataigne.







that seems to be a good option and then work you ass off to DO THINGS DONE!

 and meanwhile you realize that spring moved on...this was in Mai, on my street...

and then you realize that summer moved on also....

and that autumn is here. and all that's left is some sand in your shoes, the thought of freedom, the coffee and the ...lust for life!

So come with me baby, have a cigar!

retro light are on and sometimes, just sometimes, old friends can turn into something else, something borrowed, something new, every me and every you. Right, Placebo?

leather jacket, black t-shirt, cut jeans...autumn is here and so are the old habits who die hard, hard, hard...

so don't bother...

I won't die of deception...



10 ani si 3 inele mai tarziu regatul meu este stabil.
am trecut prin momente de fericire absoluta, inumana, stelara si prin momente de nefericire...la fel.
am zdrobit suflete in proces iar al meu...suflet...a iesit si el cam terfelit din toate povestile astea.
am stat de multe ori si m-am intrebat : "what is it with men?"
2 au vrut sa ma imblanzeasca.
1 a inteles ca nu poate si m-a inteles asa cum eram.
DAR toti 3 au vrut de la mine : sa gatesc, sa ne casatorim, sa avem un copil ( sau mai multi).
ok, it's like, I know that this is how usually the things are going but but but...I don't follow!
nu am fost pregatita, asa ca de fiecare data am fugit, lasandu-i in urma.
reminiscentele unui copil unic, egoist? might be.



cel mai ironic a fost locul ...Paris. As if...sous le ciel de Paris marchent les amoreux...



iubesc Parisul! muzeele, agitatia, moda, vibeul, e minunat orasul asta! it never stops. minunat si crud!
asa ca atunci cand aud "Paris orasul dragostei" ma cam inverzesc. cum sa reduci un oras atat de complex la asta? la dragoste! de fapt este ca si cum ai reduce o relatie la gatit, casatorie si copii. this is ssssssssssssssoooooooo wrong! nu am destui plamani ca sa strig asta : " THIS IS WRONG!!!"

one cannot be reduced at this dimension! two is impossible. there are 2 different worlds  who are coming together so why try to reduced them to 1 dull world. I mean they  can mix but please don't try to reduce 'em to mix and match clothes and babyes.

I do understand that for some people this is a natural way to continue a beautiful story but I don't get the people who make from this the main purpose of their lives. this is stupid and inappropiate. one shall love/understand him/herself before doing this. if not fatal errors will happen. and the one who will suffer the most  will be the baby.



My headache is killing me so...I will not get further but please, please, just understand that there is so much more in life than getting married and have babyes. If this happens naturally it's great, a miracle of life. If not, this means that you have the chance to discover yourself and meet more wonderful people. Either way the process should be rich in experiences and beautiful. Not painful. Not sad. Not a sentence.

There are so many wonderful people who aren't living their lives properly just because that they are afraid to be alone! This is wrong on so many levels. For them, for the person with whom they are ( who is probably also unhappy), for their friends, for all the wonderful people that they will never meet, and probably for their true love who just passed them.





I strongly believe that at some points in our lives we just meet people who we like, who have the same passions as us at that point, we just cross and sometimes we just let go after that. It's not wrong, it's not weak, it's just fine, because at some point all the things/people who shouldn't be in our lives just leave. It's life. It's love. It's wonderlast!

greu

greul ne invata sa apreciem usorul.
raul binele.
durerea bucuria.

sa blestemi si sa invinuiesti este mai usor decat sa incerci sa intelegi.

I used to love him but I'd had to kill him....



...and I can still hear him complain!


cs is back!

sometimes

summer days are just a magazine...

sometimes I just don't give a fuck and I'm happy!

it's so easy when everyone's trying to please me! it's so easy; easy!

tonight we celebrated her 27th aniversary. La multi ani, Andreea, sa ne traiesti in continuare frumoasa si puternica!

si cand m-am uitat in jurul mesei, it hit me! astia sunt prietenii mei dragi de aici and united we stand! suntem tineri, puternici si lumea ne zambeste. we are not alone any more! we got each other! in seara asta, pret de 2 ore, am sarbatorit viata si culorile din noi!

the silence is broken!

cele 2 poze cu macii de aici

grafful e din stras

fuckin` cold

e friggggggggggggggggggggggggg. sunt -9 grade, în cădere liberă

sunt în siberiaaaaaaaaa



frate, cât timp a trecut de când ascultam ab4 și beam un cico la plajă, în vamă...pfuais! am îmbătrânit, this one is for you DIDI, wherever you are :)

the road

'"To the east to the east
The road beneath my feet
To the west to the west
I haven't got there yet
And to the north to the north Never to be caught To the south to the south My time is running out.

Ever since my childhood I've been scared I've been afraid Of being trapped by circumstance and staying in one place So I always keep a small bag full of clothes carefully stored Somewhere secret somewhere safe And somewhere close to the door
Well I've traveled many countries I've washed my feet in many seas
I've drunk with drifters in Vienna and with punks in old dc
And I've driven across deserts driven by the irony That only being shackled to the the road could ever I be free
Chorus
To the east to the east
The road beneath my feet
To the west to the west
I haven't got there yet
And to the north to the north
Never to be caught
To the south to the south
My time is running out

I've felt old before my time but now I keep the age away By burning up the miles and yeah by filling up my days
And the nights a thousand nights I've played
And a thousand more to go
Before I take a breath and steal myself
For the next one thousand shows.

Chorus
To the east to the east
The road beneath my feet
To the west to the west
I haven't got there yet
And to the north to the north
Never to be caught
To the south to the south
My time is running out

Yes so saddle up your horses now and keep your powder dry
Cause the truth is you won't be here long
Yeah soon your going to die
To the heart, to the heart there's no time for you to waste
You wont find your precious answers now by staying in one place
Yeah by giving up the chase.

Chorus
To the east to the east
The road beneath my feet
To the west to the west
I haven't got there yet
And to the north to the north
Never to be caught
To the south to the south
My time is running out
To the south to the south
My time is running out
To the south to the south
My time is running out

I face the horizon everywhere I go
I face the horizon the horizon is my home
I face the horizon everywhere I go
I face the horizon the horizon is my home ."



"Well I guess I should confess that I am starting to get old
All the latest music fads all passed me by and left me cold
All the kids are talking slang I won't pretend to understand
All my friends are getting married, mortagages and pension plans
And it's obvious my angry adolescent days are done
And I'm happy and I'm settled in the person I've become
But that doesn't mean I'm settled up and sitting out the game
Time may change alot but some things may stay the same

And I won't sit down And I won't shut up And most of all I will not grow up
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I yeah I won't grow up

Oh maturity's a wrapped up package deal so it seems
And ditching teenage fantasy means ditching all your dreams
All your friends and peers and family solomnly tell you you will
Have to grow up be an adult yeah be bored and unfulfilled
Oh when no ones yet explained to me exactly what's so great About slaving 50 years away on something that you hate, about meekly shuffling down the path of mediocrity Well if that's your road then take it but it's not the road for me
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I yeah I won't grow up
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I will not grow up."

And if all you ever do with your life
Is photosynthesize
Then you deserve every hour of these sleepless nights
That you spend wondering when you're gonna die

Now I'll play and you sing
The perfect way for the evening to begin
Now I'll play and you sing
The perfect way for the evening to begin

And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all yeah I won't grow up
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I will not grow up ."

wish list vs to do list

wish list: unicorns I love them,so an Unicorne please :P
not to go with my parents to hospitals
no more anger, sadness, tears, fear
more positive feelings from now on
wish for Him to come here&,this time,stay here with me
a dog, ok 2 dogs...1 labrador si un vagabond
more synaptic connections please, more brain
focus focus focus
more sun and huge windows
new books, not medical one, of course
better improving skills for my social skills

to do list: make people feel better
go to doctors with my parents and Him
go to doctor for myself
administrative stuff
write more letters or, at least, e-mails
buy a flower!

Learn more, read more, sleep less. Although j`adore faire la grasse matinee ...this is not good for my body nor for my brain so I should stop. I will stop, someday.

I`m going home on 18 February. See my parents after 4 months or more.

I wish I could tell more.

I wish I could help myself and help others more.

I wish I was special.

I wish I was in.

Is it me or from a certain age learning becomes more and more difficult? You get to have focus problems and have the impression that your brain is full of synapses that are not working anymore. There like in Bahamas, just chillin` at a cocktail on a beach party and yelling back at you:"No, we don`t want to learn anymore,bitch!!!" Strike strike strike...

La sfarsit de zi...

Si de saptamana epuizanta, vroiam doar sa-ti zic ca:
"Te iubesc!"
Papoi.
:*

Switzerland versus France

Bun. Dupa ce m-am chinuit 1 h sa postez netul meu a decis ca vrea sa pice si sa nu salveze nimic, God damn it!!!
Asa ca this is the shorter version of my previous post about Swiss toilets :D
Ce au elvetienii si nu au francezii? Toalete cantatoare, mon cher. Singing toilets. Si pe langa faptul ca sunt cantatoare mai sunt si super curate. "Curate ca cristalul", vorb-aia. Am fost la o toaleta publica in Basel...ok am fost la mai multe dar asta m-a impresionat in mod deosebit. Bun, vedem noi o usa ca de lift si ne asteptam sa bagam banul si sa vina liftul sa ne duca la toaleta. Ei bine, nu! Bagi fisa, se deschide usa si intrii in necunoscut. Dupa ce am reusit sa trec peste angoasa care a pus stapanire pe mine cand am realizat ca sunt inchisa ermetic intr-o specie necunoscuta mie de toaleta am constatat ca a inceput sa cante muzica de undeva. Apoi s-a tras singura apa...doar asa...de igienizare, hartia venea automat cand intindeai mana, sapun lichid super frumos mirositor. Ce mai, totul stralucea de curatenie pe ritmuri muzicale. Intr-un final am reusit sa scap din "lift", inca buimacita de experienta sf pe care tocmai am trait-o. Si atunci mi-am dat seama in ce lume traim in Romania, cum normalul ni se pare ceva extravagant.

Si apoi a mai fost experienta din muzeu pe care El a si filmat-o. Cand pe langa faptul ca era incredibil de curat si de frumos mirositor si de muzical...colacul de la toaleta se igieniza singur! Adica inainte si dupa ce te asezai pe el colacul facea automat un tur in care era igienizat. Jaw dropping as in literally. M-a speriat atata...civilizatie.

Si ca sa vada francezii ca nu ei sunt buricul lumii, facem o comparatie minimalista. Mc`donalds. Exista in ambele tari. Toaletele din Mc`urile din Franta arata ca niste cocini in cel mai fericit caz. In Elvetia arata ca o toaleta din muzeu. So, you tell me who is gonna win this time? :) si casstigatoarea fara drept de apel este Elvetia! Switzerland beats France at toilets, and not only. Sa nu mai aduc vorba de cetatenii elvetieni trilingvi :)

Dar despre asta in postul urmator.

"La multi ani si un An Nou fericit!"

I love Basel! Incep sa ma indragostesc de Elvetia, mai ales ca pana acum am vazut cel putin 2 Starbucksuri in Basel, dar trecand peste asta, chiar si femeile de serviciu vorbesc engleza in Basel!!! La youthhostelul unde am stat, pe langa faptul ca absolut totul stralucea de curatenie, personalul vorbea cel putin 3 limbi: germana,franceza si engleza. Si camerele de la hostel au fost mult mai curate, mari, genial mobilate decat orice hostel sau hotel de 2 stele la care am stat in Paris. Plus lumea foarte amabila si cordiala, fara sa fie falsa. Efectiv oamenii pareau mult mai abordabili. Am mancat la un fast food turcesc unde am primit portii delicioase si uriase de mancare, la un pret rezonabil. Si marea surpriza a venit in momentul in care am auzit o manea :)) nu ne-a venit sa credem! in Basel, Elvetia, am ascultat Adi Minune...cred ca el era. Dar s-ar putea sa ma isnel, cert e ca am ascultat o manea romaneasca intr-un fast food turcesc din Elvetia. Si apoi Akcent, asta a fost mai suportabil. In rest, tramwaie frumoase, catedrale superbe si un muzeu magic de papusi!



A mai trecut un An. Privind in urma, un An cu realizari frumoase. Un an cu suisuri si cobarasuri dar una peste alta plin de iubire si de sprijin. Plin de magia bucuriei de a avea parinti minunati, prieteni adevarati si un iubit minunabil!


Eu imi doresc ca anul asta nou sa aduca sanatate pentru mine si pentru toti cei dragi mie. Si pace in lume. Si sa reusesc tot ce mi-am propus anul trecut si nu am reusit sa fac, din diverse motive.

Imi doresc sa devin mai nesimtitoare. Sa devin mai puternica. Sa imi depasesc limitele.

Sa invat sa spun:" NU!".

Sa nu imi refuz micile bucurii cotidiene.

Sa nu uit ca music is the healer no matter who you are!



Si sa incep noul an asa...:)

lista cu lucruri de facut....

inainte sa mor, de preferat cat mai repede, ok, cateva pana martea viitoare:

-poze tip legitimatie...8...la magazinul ala cu oferta...8la8lei;

-sa mergem sa ne tundem...o sa imi lipseasca atat de mult sa facem activitatea asta...el sa rada de parul meu albastru scos prin casca...like a grandma,touched for the very first times...eu sa rad de eventuala lui creasta;

-sa mergem sa vedem "Despicable me"3d;

-sa mai mancam o data la Shanghai pui cu 5 arome;

-sa fac clatite;

-sa il ascult cand imi spune sa nu pun toata cutia cu lapte in budinca;...sorry,really :(

-sa jucam table si sah;

-sa imi cumpar "mecanica inimii";

-sa imi gasesc cs in Strasbourg desi asta nu tine neaparat de mine;

-sa dorm mai putin si sa visez mai mult;



-sa pictez cerul in curcubeu;

-sa nu mai imi fac griji inutile si sa iau lucrurile as they come;

-sa ne plimbam mai mult,sa stam in piata muzeului,sa radem la soare!

-sa nu mai tusesc!

-sa imi cumpar sosete colorate si groase.

poze de AICI.

immigrant punk!

"Yesterday, there was so many things
I was never told
Now that I'm startin' to learn
I feel I'm growing old


'Cause yesterday's got nothin' for me
Old pictures that I'll always see
Time just fades the pages
In my book of memories
Prayers in my pocket
And no hand in destiny
I'll keep on movin' along
With no time to plant my feet


'Cause yesterday's got nothin' for me
Old pictures that I'll always see
Some things could be better
If we'd all just let them be".

Immigrant punk! People...I`m moving. To France. In Strasbourg. You can come visit me anytime you want.

I don`t know where I`ll stay!

I`ll do some cs at the beginning, maybe a youth hostel.

Do I know someone in Strasbourg? No.

Do I have enough money to make it trough? Probably not enough.

Will I make it? Yes, of course :)

Ce imi place mie? Printre altele...gogol bordello...stiu, nu multi gusta genul asta de muzica dar pe moi ma binedispune instantaneu, de la primele acorduri. Face parte din muzica mea datatoare de energie si cum pana acum nu am postat nimic despre ei...there you go, ladyes and gentlemen: Gogol Bordello!

"Legalize me! Realize me!
Party!

Of course we immigrants wanna sing all night long
Don't you know the singing salves the troubled soul?
So I'm relaxed, I'm just lurking around
I got a method and you don't
You got a dictionary kicking around?
Look up the immigrant, immigrant, immigrant punk!"



Si acum melodia mea preferata punk rock of all times...pam pam...introducing WONDERLUST KING by Gogol Bordello:



"Back in the day yo as we learned
A man was not considered to be
Considered to be fully grown
Has he not gona beyond the hills
Has he not crossed the 7 seas
Yeah, 7 seas at least!

Now all them jokers kept around
Just like the scarecrows in hometown
Yeah, scarecrows in hometown
From screen to screen they're travelin'
But I'm a wonderlust king

I stay on the run
Let me out
Let me be gone
In the world's beat up road sign
I saw new history of time...
New history of time!!!

Through Siberian woods
Breaking up their neck

Chinese moving in building discoteques

Homemade sex toys and whatnot
Yeah, and why not?
Well at least it's something different
From what they got in every other airport

I traveled the world
Looking for understanding
Of the times that we live in
Hunting and gathering first hand information

I traveled the world
Looking for lovers
Of the ultimate beauty
But never settled in
I'm Wonderlust King!

And presidents
And billionaires
And generals
They'll never know
What I have owned!
What I have owned...
I'm a wonderlust king!"

Supertheory of supereverything!!!!!!! By the same Gogol.



"From the maelstrom of the knowledge
Into labyrinth of doubt
Frozed underground ocean
Melting - nuking on my mind

Yes give me Everything Theory
Without Nazi uniformity
My brothers are protons
My sisters are neurons
Stir it twice, it's instant family! "

A propos de frenezia nuntilor...



Despre realitatea in care traim:

"It is easier to see
Evil as entity
Not as condition inside you and me
I did not invent it, I'm just in charge of it
Simple businessman with simple practical plan

So do you wanna be a model, yeah?
All you got to do is show up, wow!
We'll be leaving soon for the breaking ground
For there will forever be slavery
There forever be cruelty

There forever be wretched of Earth
Crawlin' up round driven by last semen drop
Factory that makes you, they say, it never stops
Factory that makes them, I know, it never stops...

So do you wanna be a model, yeah?
All you got to do is show up, wow!
We'll be leaving soon for the breaking ground
For there will forever be slavery
There forever be cruelty

In this game they'll always be on the top
and it's up for you to learn or not! "



Sally...


Imi e frica? Un pic asa...

De fapt imi e inima stransa fiindca El nu poate sa vina. Dar va veni si El, o sa luptam pentru asta:) Punk revolution just began!