le hasard

1. 21 years old, female, south africa, 2nd time in prison break.

    "Dr. I have to ask you something :)!"

    " Yes :) ?"

    "Do you know God?"

    "Well I didn't meet him yet but I heared about him."

    "Do you have a religious belief?"

    "Uhm, I am ortodox but I ... I don't know, I believe in a higher force."

    "But do you go to church?"

    "... not really"

    "I am an evanghelist and I have a gift, I have to tell you something...I have to spread the word."

    "Ok, you can tell me."

    "God have spoken to me, the world will end."

    " :) of course, it's also written in the bible :)"

    "Yes, but it will end soon and I have this gift, I have to spread the word."

    "Aren't you afraid that people will believe you're crazy?! if you say you talk to God?"

    "No, I have a mission."

    "Yes, we all do miss, but you seem to have a difficult task to complete."

She was standing in front of me, beautiful, smart, free, a true believer. I envied her for one moment. It seems difficult to envy someone who's in jail right? But the thing is that she is ... free. :) And, no, I don't think she's crazy.

2.  45 years old male, north africa, 45th time in prison break.

     "Hello Dr. ca va?" ( I always find very funny this question)

     "Yes, ca va and you?"

     "Well, great, I'm going out in 2 months! :)"

     "That's great news!! :) Do you have plans for outside?"

     "Yes, go outside and get a job and then get my family back!"

     "Hm, you know that it won't be easy."

     "Yes, it will, because with your help Dr. I will stop smoking weed, I used to smoke 15 joints/day, now I'm at 3/day but I cannot stop by myself and it ruins my life (starts to cry)."

      "Well I will ask you some question, you will be honest, and we will succeed!"

It turned out that he had a social phobia and a paranoia and that weed was his auto-medication.

I've started a treatment and I'm confident.

Where there's a will there's a way. And he wants to quit, and I'm there to support him.

:) I love my job! So many interesting people every day!

Contract

This is the part when I say thank you. Thank you to all my friends who are always there for me. You lift me up when I am down (you know it's rare but when I'm down I'm really like 10 feet under). You make me sing, dance, smile, dream. You are  always there. Even if we are scatered all over the world.

Yesterday we celebrated me getting my dream job. And they were warm, happy, optimistic and just...perfect people! I wouldn't change a think about them! So we went and danced the night away. They made me forget some pains and made me a super nova! Hei, I even drunk beer! At 6 AM I was coming back home with M. and the birds were singing. The quiet was soooo perfect. And we stopped, hugged and said : "This moment is perfect!". So I am writing it down in order not to forget it. We know each other for like 6 months but we are...we know each other! He's my brother from another mother. 


" If it's one thing that I've learned over the years is that it only takes one person, one patient, one moment to change your life forever. To change your perspective, color your thinking, to force you to reevaluate everything you think you know. To make you to ask yourself the toughest questions : do you know who you are? do you understand what had happened to you? do you want to live this way?" 

Yes, I want to live the life that I am living. I am happy with my choices. It was a long way 'till here. 

I don't know how long I will stay but I know that I will do my best every day to improove. 

Give and never give up! 

Unafraid givers this is what I love the most!

My first bottle of champgane opened by moi (it was a long process, but nobody was hurt! :)

beautiful people si calul din Marlboro

Lucrurile se aranjeaza. Toate trec si toate intra pe fagasul predestinat. Cand imi zicea Mama : "Toate trec, asa e viata plina de necazuri si, cateodata, mai suntem si fericiti!" nu o credeam. Eram ca si copilul din "Calul din Marlboro" de la Vama Veche...m-astepta strada mea din Franta si calul Troian...





Cand ascultam melodia asta eram in liceu si nu aveam griji. Viata era frumoasa, plina de evenimente "importante", de trenuri spre sighisoara, spre mare, de rockeri, blugi taiati, bratari, cercei in nas, concerte si scoala. Prietenia era totul si nu trada. Era cruda, sincera si bubbly! Era ca o sticla de champagne care nu se mai termina.









Apoi am crescut. Ceea ce nu este neaparat un lucru rau. "Au trecut ani, au trecut ani si viata s-a schimbat...".
Am invatat ca uneori unele lucruri sunt mai bine sa ramana nerostite iar altele nu.
Ca atunci cand ai o problema nu te ajuta decat Dumnezeu. Oricat de melodramatic ar parea, asa este!

Sticla de champagne parea ca e rasuflata dar nu era chiar asa. Chiar daca karma, zenu' si feng shuiu nu erau chiar ok.





Apoi mi-am amintit ca de fapt eu cred ca in oameni. Si cand dai fara sa astepti nimic in schimb primesti inapoi inzecit. Si asa a fost.
Sunt de 3 ani in Franta si am cunoscut oameni minunati.
Am cunoscut si oameni inraiti. A fost amara de tot experienta. Dar sunt inconjurata de atatia oameni speciali incat cei amari se pierd repede. Sunt ca o voce stinsa de laringita. E trist sa fii un om care se cere uitat cat mai repede.
Si, ca sa nu uit, scriu aici, ca sa imi amintesc peste ani : va multumesc Celine, Dominique, Mathilde, Gilles, Dao, Marine, Mederic, Stéphanie, Fanny, Sylvie, Olivia, Corinne, Daniélle, Nora, Dr. Strittmatter, Dr. Michel, Dr. Köll, Dr. Kauffmann, Dr. Hofmann, Dr. Schneider, Dr. Meghit pentru ca m-ati slefuit, m-ati acceptat cum sunt si ati incercat sa ma faceti sa evoluez. Sunt cum sunt datorita voua. Chiar daca nu cunoasteti limba romana. Va multumesc din suflet! Pentru tot!

Iar pe cei "de acasa" nu ii mentionez pentru ca ei fac parte din mine.
Sunt in inima, in ochii, in sangele meu.

Iar Alina de acolo de sus, dintre stele, sper ca esti mandra de mine, de traiectoria mea. Ma gandesc mereu la tine si te port in inima. Am incetat de mult sa "ma mai smiorcai" (multumesc, Dr. Köll : "Je ne veux pas pleurnicher maintenant pour ça! Ca passera!"). Suntem suma actiunilor noastre. Dam si primim.

* note to self :
Aseara m-am intors acasa pe la 23.30 si l-am gasit pe Mederic pe canapeaua noastra, trist tot, la care F. cu un aer doct : "S-a despartit de iubita lui!". Ah bon! Atunci mobilizare de urgenta contra inimilor albastre, les coeurs brisés : filmul 500 days of summer, sticla de vin rosu de zile negre, ciocolata, popcorn si batiste! La ora 1.30 Mederic sforaia pe canapeaua noastra. Celine nu era inca acasa. L-am invelit si am mers la culcare. This is home! *





Am avut 3 zile de vacanta si am dat o fuga pana la Paris, din 2 motive :
1) concertul Travis.
2) expozitia temporara de la muzeul Guimet despre civilizatia cambodgiana si templul Angkor.

Dar despre concertul Travis si muzeele din Paris latter on!
I feel blessed. Si uneori imi e frica sa imi urlu bucuria asa ca am invatat sa o tin inchisa in mine, ca o comoara pretioasa si sa ii dau drumul sa zboare numai la rastimpuri, numai oamenilor alesi.

hope

hope is a 4 letters word! everything that kills me makes me feel alive!



"...You can feel like a part of something if you're part of the scene
You can make your life look pretty add a little ice and gin,
Wash off the make-up and prepare the aspirin
Well you can get out of this party dress but you can't get out of this skin..."




uneori, trebuie doar sa ceri! sa te rogi din tot sufletul si sa ceri!