reflexion

Story of my life ...


" ... - It wouldn't be bad but I don't like being stuck in one place. I want to be free to go wherever I like and think about whatever I want. I want to live free.
       - But this is not very easy.
       - You're right, it's not easy. But I am determined. I want to be free..."


                                                   "Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage" by HARUKI MURAKAMI

Car crash

remember, remember the 6th of December 2014 because that was the first day of the rest of my life : I received the gift of life the 2nd time.

play this first :




How today changed my life.

Today I had my first car accident.
I am physically fine. No contusions. Just my ego : broken.
I'm fine, everything's just fine but I am in a shock state which I think it's normal.

I was coming back from Nancy and at some point I was entering from a small road to the highway and my car start spinning. It happened so fast. I spinned like 4 or 5 times and hit the safety bar.

But while I was spinning, I realised that I'm out of control. I was spinning, my hands were clenched on the steering wheel, and my mind was...blank. For the first time in my life I had no idea whatsoever crossing my mind. Nothing! But I am pretty sure that I've seen a rainbow and I am sure that the song playing on the radio was "Beat it" from Mickael Jackson.

Like a robot I put on my security vest, I got out of the car on the other side as on my side the door was deformed, I put the triangle 5 m away from my car. Got back into the car and called the cops. And after a car stopped, the man took me out of the car, on the other side of the road. After what seemed to be an eternity (20 minutes) the cops came, moved my car, filled in the rapport and after that a big truck came and took us (me&Mona, my car) to the service. They told me that it's probably better to buy a new car than to repair Mona. My heart was broken. This is my first car, the first important material stuff that I bought with my own savings since coming in France. It has a big emotional value as it was a gift for my parents.
While I was thinking how should I give my parents the bad news that they don't/won't have a car anymore the truck guy told me :
" Anyways it's just a big  pile of metal! You don't realise how lucky you were that you didn't hit another car/other cars. You could have been dead/handicapped or you could have killed someone."

And then it hit me : he was so right! I was so lucky! I am alive!
But while I was spinning, I realised that I'm out of control. I was spinning, my hands were clenched on the steering wheel, and my mind was...blank. For the first time in my life I had no idea whatsoever crossing my mind. Nothing! But I am pretty sure that I've seen a rainbow and I am sure that the song playing on the radio was "Beat it" from Mickael Jackson.

This was my Saint Nicolas gift for me : the value of life (of course I could have done this a different way but I like pushing my limits and on the other side it would have been less life changing, just another brick in the wall). Dramatic pose. Oh, the fans!


Latter edit (the 9th of January 2015) : MONA is alive, she was saved by my beloved Hizo, our car "fixer" since ... forever. Love, peace and respect because he has the most awesome gold bracelet ("your job is your gold bracelet", Romanian saying).

bad day

da, it's been a bad day. dar asa e in viata. si bune si rele. cateodata ai impresia ca nu mai vezi binele; ca nu o sa iesi din zona asta gri, fara orizont.

si iar trebuie sa aleg. ca-n viata, nu? sa aleg sa fac ce-mi place sau sa aleg siguranta? sa aleg intre un sef exigent sau un sef tata? sa imi urmez drumul...Sau...poate ca nu asta e drumul meu.

fuck this shit. I'm going to bed.

Un articol care ne arata ca uneori, numai uneori, valorile sunt rasplatite si incurajate, chiar daca simbolic, sa duca la capat misiunea lor in lume. Pentru ca stelele nu mor niciodata, dar se uita. De citit : articolul acesta.

Cand suntem mici mereu ne dorim sa crestem. Din diverse motive : ca sa fim mari, sa facem ce vrem, sa nu mai depindem financiar de cineva, sa ne luam viata in maini...and then it happens : ne trezim mari, responsabili de propriile noastre decizii, traind consecintele actiunilor noastre intr-o societate unde supravietuirea si integrarea in "sistem" nu sunt evidente. Daca nu vrei sa te lasi angrenat in "the big machine" lucrurile sunt si mai complicate. Dupa cum spunea un coleg de serviciu, care este printre altele PRINT in tara lui ( da, lucrez cu un print...) : "In tara asta fiecare are parte lui de rahat, una mai mare sau mai mica, dar nu te nelinistii, toata lumea gusta!". Mda, ca si in viata, m-am gandit eu.




Totul e liniste. Si vezi cum trece tot pe langa tine. Esti in mijlocul intersectiei, totul se misca ametitor de repede. Culori, sunete, oameni, masini, totul se amesteca intr-un pastel ametitor de inalt si de jos si...caruselul continua. Si spectacolul continua. Esti tu simplu spectator, SPECTATORUL, actorul sau omul de serviciu? You're in the basement or in the sky? Esti ceea ce alegi sa fii, daca esti destul de puternic. You will succeed, life always finds a way. Always!



Cand ai o toleranta foarte mica asta ca sa nu spunem inexistenta la esec, viata este grea. Dar eu...eu voi izbandi acolo unde altii s-au oprit. Chiar de ar fi sa fac 1000 de drumuri pentru ceea ce mi se cuvine de, drept, I'll follow rivers. And I will not stop until I'll get what I deserve. Why do people stop dreaming and where do we go from here? Stiam ca o sa fie greu, dar nu atat de greu.

Bazarul vietii :

1) 

2) afara este frig si de-abia astepti sa ajungi acasa, unde e cald si bine, unde e persoana iubita, placinta cu mere ca la mama acasa si cele 5 tone de ceai cumparate din Germania si importate de God knows where.

3) uneori, mancam la chinezoi, daca suntem bogati, la inceputul lunii.

4) as vrea sa am casa plina de flori, plina, deja am 1 ghiveci cu flori mici, galbene, care a supravietuit vitejeste de vreo 4 luni... 1 orhidee, crizanteme, flori portocalii, galbene, purpurii mi-ar placea sa am.

5) saptamana viitoare, pe vremea asta o sa fim in plin proces de mutare, este pentru prima oara cand o sa avem "casa noastra".

6) e o casa mare, luminoasa, frumoasa, cu multe flori la geam, cu o terasa la malul unui rau si cu un garaj pentru mona, poate o sa revina chiar si motanul vagabond.

7) this song is mind blowing!

         

8) o sa fac naveta timp de 2 luni, cu trenul, ceea ce ma entuziasmeaza pentru ca o sa pot sa citesc in tren, dar o sa mai vb dupa 2 luni de trezit la 6,30 si ajuns acasa la 20,30

9) change your heart, look around you, change your heart, it will astound you
                   


10) when will this clouds all dissapear?



11) o sa incerc sa gatesc mai mult, si nu numai deserturi :p I know well that you can't call that cooking :)

12) zapada multa si sa nu mai fie atat de frig. la cat mai multe concerte which leads me to N° 13 :

13) luna trecuta am fost la concertul Therion de la Paris asa ca luna asta compensam cu The Cranberries si Rodrigo Y Gabriela la Strasbourg.

08/09/2011

Peste 20 de zile e ziua mea.

Peste 9 zile plec acasa.

Dar pana atunci azi am fost cu El in Strasbourg si ne-am plimbat, am mancat super gellato, am ras, am infruntat vantul mai ceva ca in Wild Wild West, tinandu-ne de mana, apoi ne-am intors cu trenul ca atunci cand ne intoarceam de la concerte, rupti dar fericiti si acum voi adormi in bratele lui. Si sunt recunoscatoare pentru El. Iti multumesc!

Si maine e o noua zi.

Aseara am visat ca avem televizor si ca eram fericiti din cauza asta. Ne uitam la meci dar nu mai stiu cine cu cine juca. It`s the end of the world???