the devil`s tears sau au revoir 2013

Ce am invatat de la 2013 ? Multe, vechi de cand lumea. Nu am descoperit eu chiar gaura din macaroana dar cred ca dupa anul asta viata mea se va schimba.

 De ce si ce am invatat eu in 2013?, voila :
 1) cu rabdarea si speranta treci muntii. credinta muta muntii.

 2) enervarea nu duce la nimic bun. calm, calm, calm.

 3) asculta, priveste si taci.
  `Ascultă, priveşte şi taci!...
Ascultă, să-nveţi să vorbeşti,
Priveşte, să-nveţi să clădeşti.
Şi taci, să-nţelegi ce să faci...
 Ascultă, priveşte şi taci!

Când simţi că păcatul te paşte
Şi glasul Sirenei te fură,
Tu pune-ţi lacăt la gură
Şi-mploră doar sfintele moaşte 
Când simţi că păcatul te paşte!...

Când simţi că duşmanul te-nvinge,
Smulgându-ţi din suflet credinţa,
Aşteaptă-ţi tăcut biruinţa
Şi candela minţii nu-ţi stinge

Când simţi că duşmanul te-nvinge!
Când braţele-ncep să te doară,
De teamă să nu-mbătrâneşti,
Rămâi tot cel care eşti
Aceeaşi piatră de moară
Când braţele-ncep să te doară!...

Iar când, cu ochii spre cer,
Te-ntrebi ce-ai putea să mai faci,
Ascultă, priveşte şi taci!...
Din braţe fă-ţi aripi de fier
Şï zboară cu ele spre cer!...`

                    Ion Minulescu

 4) doar pentru ca tu nu ai manca leul asta nu inseamna ca leul nu o sa te manance

 5) putini sunt oamenii care mai au copilul din ei. e trist, dar adevarat.asa ca daca ai intalnit asemenea oameni tine-i aproape.

 6) rudele nu sunt neaparat familie. uneori `strainii` iti sunt mai apropiati decat rudele. retrage-te cand nu esti dorit caci dragoste cu sila nu se poate. dupa cum zice scumpa mea Doamna Itu : "Madalina, nu uita, piatra de aproape de loveste cel mai tare!"

 7) Craciunul si Pastele sunt the best holidays ever de sarbatorit cu parintii. cere si ti se va da. dar din dar se face.

 8) it`a all in your head! heal yourself! citeste, invata, observa. let's be contagious with our positive attitude!

clic aici pentru a vedea efectul rasului asupra celor din jurul nostru!

 9) esti ceea ce mananci. mananca putin si sanatos! nor more meat from 2014 (except fish and sea fruits).

 10) o relatie ciobita nu se lipeste la loc. dar poti invata din vechea experienta pentru a construi alt pod mai trainic si, categoric, mai vesel colorat.

 11) intr-o relatie intotdeauna unul iubeste mai mult. de preferat e sa nu fii tu acela. iar relatie interumana fara compromisuri nu se poate. 

12) I will never be a housewife. I will never cook real food and I will never fetch!






 13) esti ceea ce lasi in urma. amprenta pe sufletele lor. construieste, inalta, da aripi, vindeca, ajuta si nu astepta nimic inapoi.

 14) sunt prea serioasa si oamenii nu apreciaza asta, in general. nu fac giumbuslucuri, nu dau la gioale, nu fac cioace, nu sunt "pa" sistemul romanesc. mai degraba pe cel nemtesc.




 15) fii mereu punctual si aranjat la o intalnire! orice ar zice oricine imaginea conteaza, este cartea ta de vizita inainte sa dai adevarata carte de vizita.





 16) medicina e o arta. trebuie sa ai suflet ca sa o faci. altfel nu poti creea si totul este in van. crede-ti intotdeauna pacientii si cerceteaza! urmeaza-ti calea indiferent de ceea ce zice lumea!





 17) dragostea se construieste. caramida peste caramida atata timp cat fundatia este solida.





 18) nu uita de unde ai plecat. niciodata! din pamant in pamant!





 19) nu este timp de pierdut.







 Iar pentru 2014 :

1) sa imi gasesc jobul care mi se potriveste.






2) sa zic daca ma deranjeaza ceva, pe loc. lucrurile nespuse te macina.






3) sa nu mai mananc carne si nici paine din faina alba!. sa merg mai des sa fac miscare.

4) sa imi fac mai putine griji, sa cred mai mult in Dumnezeu si sa rad mai mult.





5) sa cumpar bilete la spectacole pentru ai mei.

6) sa calatoresc mai mult.



7) sa nu mai las pe maine ceea ce pot face astazi.

Stefan Caltia. Depression.

Despre Stefan Caltia nu stim multe si e pacat pentru ca e brasovean, de-al nostru. Asa ca daca vreti sa aflati o mica parte din viata unui mare artist puteti citi articolul acesta.


About depression we don't speak a lot. We don't really understand it, it's difficult to try to understand what you've never experienced. And then is the popular misbelief that says that only the weak persons are depressed. This is bullshit, depression doesn't mean you're weak. You just have to learn to use better your coping skills. You need to speak about it and sometimes speaking is the most difficult part. You can speak with a loved one, with a professional (and here I include psychiatrists, psychologists, priests, art therapists, nurses and so on). Depression costs people their self-esteem, their family, their friends, their career and their health. It is amazing how a simple fact like exercising or walking 20 minutes every day can keep the depression away. Of course, bindge eating for example it's so much easier than exercising! And I know what I am talking about. It's really hard to break the habit and sometimes you just can't see how you can break it, when even going out of bed, not staying in your pijamas all day long seems impossible. You slip away from life, from people, from light, from yourself.


This is a video made by the world health organisation, trying to explain in simple and powerful images the depression. I think that they did a wonderful job.







I think that depression gives me a headache because I force myself to understand it. Because maybe someday I experienced it and I hated it so much. It is not easy to treat depressive patients but I strive to improve everyday. The most difficult part is to establish a confidence relationship between you and your patient. But if you succeed you're half way there. Step by step, inch by inch, TCC or not you'll make it. Hand in hand.

Medicina generala sau viata ca o prada

"Mais Madalina, ca c'est comme un monument! Ca se visite!"

Era vorba despre o pacienta de 115 ani!!!

The truth is that I am lost! Completely lost! After 9 years I thought that I will finally get to do what I always dreamed to do : Addictology, but in the end things aren't working on exactly as I planned. But I have hope. Because I know that things happen for a reason and I know that someday the pieces of the puzzle will fall down in their right places. Because people aren't able to imagine what a war Med School is, it's impossible for a non-doctor to know. We are suffering a psychological torture during many years. We learn to run before we walk! You have to be though, you have to sometimes walk on bodies in order to get what is yours. For instance nobody imagines how we are treated like a sub-human-race during a lot of our surgical or medical stages. You don't have a name, you're "it", "number zero". You don't sleep, you eat when you can and what you can, you do sometimes everything except medicine. And it's hard as hell to hear from the one who should be your teachers, your role-models : "You're stupid/useless/a disgrace for the medical world, you'll never be a good Dr. In fact, you'll never be a Dr. 'cause you'll never pass my exam!". It happened to my mates, it happened to all of us; medical students. And not just once. Many people will trough in your face the classical phrase : "Don't complain, it's you who have decided to choose this path!". True, but no one can prepare you for what follows. And the internship it's long and we are still underrated, we are not looked as physicians/doctors, we're just "the real doctors mignons". We are trained to work as slaves, fetch food and coffee, and if possible think but always present your idea as your bosses idea. Gratifying isn't it? You learned 6 years to be the "doctors pet". Life in plastic is fantastic. And don't get me start of some patients! (just some, luckily not lots of them). It goes something like THIS.

So you learn what and how you can. And try to get the best out of it!

After 9 years I still don't know what I'll do, exactly. I know what I want to do but I am still not sure how I will get it. And a very old dream rises again : Medicina fara frontiere!

























DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME, I WON'T BE IGNORED!!!

But one thing is cristal clear : what lucky were we to grow up with this amazing music. When rock was still rock! And music was not shit and not porn! Take everything from the inside and trough it all away, 'cause I swear for the last time, I won't trust myself again with you. I WON'T WASTE MYSELF ON YOU!
Anger is good sometimes, it can clear your mind and your guts. And babies, drooling and laughing babies, this also helps, they can take you to a happier place. And dogs, dogs always work!







I know the album "Hybrid theory" by heart, the best LP album.
I also know "Korn", "Life is peachy" and "Follow the leader" by Korn, by heart. That was music.




















And it appears clear to me now that I was never born to do medecine for the rich and ungrateful. I have a mission to help the weak ones. You know that I know that I am no Messia but I will do my best to help the one in need. 'cause I know that a friend in need is a friend in deed. Once I took the HIPPOCRATE OATH and I do not intend to break it. Not for you my rich, fat, ungrateful piece of garbage. Although in the end your ignorance is bliss. People are dying of starvation and you complain that you have to pay 2 euros for a fucking pommade??? When you never worked your entire life, you were just "pretty" besides you're successful husband? As I said ignorance is bliss but I will not be part of your game! And you loose a very good doctor, just so you know!














So humanitarian medicine and addictology here I come!!!

In Martinica cu o doamna comercianta localnica. May the colors be back!!!

when in France

First commandment :
- trust I seek and I found in you!

Or 10 basics rules to survive in France (or the beginners guide to France) :
1) try to speak french even if you suck at it. learn the French ABC : Bonjour, s'il vous plaît, merci beaucoup, bon fin de journée/soirée, au revoir!
2) cross the street only when the light is RED
3) tip the waiter and treat it like shit. eye contact battle will always be there before taking your order and you must win it.
4) never ever try to get something done between 12h-14h (lunch break)
5) never ever yell at a person. this will just show them weakness and a huge lack of education (even if you are entitled to yell from the heart of your lungs!)
6) always smile and act polite even if you feel like stabbing someone
7) eat, eat, eat. there is nothing much that french people love and appreciate to do. after all it is a "gourmet" people
8) bring them peace offers like croissants (they're always a good start at a new working place)
9) you will not speak any other language or you will be banned
10) don't use sarcasm. they will never get it!

For further details I recommend reading  :

Stephen Clarke. It's not Platon or Socrate but it gets you closer to the French way of seeing the world.

(c)attitude

And a little bit more..."cats rule and dogs drool" asa zicea cartea, nu? Pacat ca eu sunt indragostita iremediabil de caini si am un "rau de caine" cu pisicile.






Someone said once that when God made dogs he just sit down and smiled! :) One of my dreams is to have a golden retriever or a labrador! And a house with huge windows and trees in the garden. And to be able to become one of the bests in what I do!

Today it was sunny! Freaking cold but sunny. I woke up at 6.30 and in 30 minutes I was out the door, running *walking really fast* to the train station. Lucky for me that I had enough time, because I almost mixed up the trains. But it was ok in the end. the crispy winter air made me smile. in my ears john was singing "imagine". "imagine ther're no countries, it isn't hard to do!". n=Next station : Brasov, please!





Ozzy and his "dreamer" followed. "gazing trough a window to the world outside, wondering it Mother Earth will survive, hoping that men kind will stop abusing her, sometime!"
A fost atat de greu sa ajung in punctul asta, Freud zicea ca omul ar face orice numai sa nu ramana fata in fata cu el insusi. E greu sa fii singur si fericit. Dar si cand esti! Iti dai seama ce tampenie a fost frica asta, cate ai ratat. Pentru ca, in realitate, nu suntem niciodata singuri! Fighting for my sanity, many nights of tragedy!











I was in my happy place : in a cosy train with a good book. Awesomeness. Am ajuns. Hochfelden! Welcome in the middle of nowhere. OK, let's do some medicine! Pacientii ma privesc cu neincredere : sunt tanara, sunt femeie, am tocuri si sunt machiata!! Dumnezeule!!! O oraseanca!! The horror! Dar se conformeaza, sunt singurul medic din zona :p

Vineri am fost impreuna cu grupul meu de prieteni la iluminarea oficiala a bradului de Craciun din Strasbourg (cel mai mare din Franta, Strasbourgul, fiind cunoscut ca "Orasul in care s-a nascut Craciunul"). A fost foarte frumos, a inceput cu proiectii video in ritm muzical pe cladirile din place Kleber dupa care a fost iluminat si mult asteptatul brad. Cu aceasta ocazie, va anunt ca s-a intamplat minunea Craciunului, ca sa o citez pe Celine : "Regardez! Mada est en train de pousser une possette! Vite, vite, il faut qu'on appele Cornel, il y a de l'éspoir, il peut encore devenir papi!" Haha, hilarious!


Va las cu un time laps ilustrativ despre Strasbourg, in perioada Craciunului si, DA, este atat de frumos!!

Azi am primit o veste minunata, minunata! O minune s-a intamplat! De-abia astept rezultatul!

vine o zi

As the song says : "vine o zi, vine o zi cand se va sfarsi..." We don't know exactly what will finish but we can guess.

Never stay with someone who doesn't makes you grow.
Relatiile de dragoste si de prietenie au un inceput si un sfarsit. In ambele cazuri consider ca este crucial sa stii cand sa spui stop. Nu este deloc usor, la inceput. Apoi pe masura ce faci curat sistematic in viata ta, lucrurile se aranjeaza, they fall into their right place. Si nu devine mai usor decat pentru ca noi devenim mai puternici.
Imi aduc aminte si acum de 2 scene :

Scena nr. 1 (eu asezata pe balancoire-ul alinei, band un ceai...):
Alina, asa m-a enervat ieri "cutarescu"...
Alina : "Madalina, de cate ori sa iti repet! Nu exista sintagma m-a enervat! Nu persoana respectiva e de vina ci tu, pentru ca te-ai lasat enervata. Daca nu vrei sa te enervezi, nu te enervezi si gata. Calmul rezolva totul. Si oamenii inteligenti stiu asta!"

Se pare ca doar acum te inteleg, draga stea. A trebuit sa pleci dintre noi si sa iti gasesti locul acolo sus, printre semenii tai, ca sa "te" inteleg si sa "te" aplic. Dar poti fii mandra de mine, acum. Am facut curatenie generala. Asa, ca inainte de Craciun.

Scena nr. 2 (eu si Dna Profesoara de Limba si Literatura Romana, la o cafea si o poveste, la Bistro de l'Arte):
" Madalina, eu nu inteleg de ce iti pierzi timpul cu oameni sub nivelul tau. Te risipesti in van, ei nu iti dau nimic dar iti iau din energie. Tot timpul esti pe drumuri : sa il vezi pe X, sa ii faci o vizita lui Y, Z se supara daca nu va intalniti MIERCURI la ORA x. Pana cand o sa intelegi ca tu si numai tu esti centrul universului tau? Tu si familia ta, caci familia nu trebuie data pe nimic. Restul prietenilor pot fi alesi. Ai prieteni si cunostinte. Te risipesti, Madalina, si e pacat de tine. Iar rudele, de rude nu mai vorbim. Niciodata sa nu speri ajutor de la un tert. Tu si numai tu esti stapana deciziilor tale."

Pe o ureche mi-au intrat si pe cealalta mi-au iesit povetele Dnei Profesoare la vremea respectiva. Si cata dreptate avea! Cata dreptate! Ma bucur ca este inca in viata si ca se numara printre persoanele pe care le vizitez cu drag mare cand ma intorc acasa. Stiti, acum imi pot numara prietenii pe degete. Si nu imi pare rau, cei adevarati au ramas, no matter what!

Se zice ca trebuie sa invatam de la cei mai varstnici. Eu am invatat ca intelepciunea nu vine cu varsta si am invatat asta pe calea grea. M-am lovit rau si m-am adunat de pe jos de mult ori, fara sa invat lectia. Nu stiu daca este miracolul Craciunului sau o crestere constanta dar acum v-am inteles! Si cat de norocoasa am fost sa cunosc o Alina si o Dna Itu unice. Niciodata, dar niciodata, nu o sa va pot multumi indeajuns. Ca in fiecare an, Alina, o sa iti aprind o lumanare si o sa te rog sa ma veghezi si sa imi indrumi pasii in continuare, sa imi arati calea, lucind mereu. Iar tot ca in fiecare an o sa iesim la o cafea Dna Itu pentru ca stim amandoua ca timpul trece si ca s-ar putea sa fie ultima noastra cafea impreuna.

The five commandments, said by the Iron ladies :
1) Do not waste your time
2) Always strive to improve yourself
3) Keep the ones that make you grow close, you have no place for others
4) Always trust yourself, there is always a way
5) If they kick you out on the front door, come back on the window





... you just keep me hangin' on...

Fluturele din min(t)e

E bine sa iti gasesti locul, sa fit in. Normalitatea nu exista ca un absolut. Exista grade si grade si eu cred ca normalul este limita de confort a fiecaruia. Si ma fandeam azi asa ca e bine, ca imi e bine. Si, God knows, ca probabil trec prin cea mai instabila perioada din viata mea. Practic, e ca si acum 3 ani cand mi-am luat trolerul si am venit sa fac rezidentiatul la Strasbourg. In decembrie il termin, 3 ani trec repede.


iDiots is a masterplan : just click here to watch it!

Ieri am primit un cadou de ziua mea : o cana, o cutie muzicala si o carte. Eram toti in jurul mesei and I felt at home : cu celine, fulga, andreea, cristi si bianca (bibi as she is 4 months old). Era cald, galagie, muzica, eram bine.

Azi m-am trezit, asa cum ar trebui sa ma trezesc in fiecare zi, cu dorinta sa fie cea mai tare zi! Sa ma autodepasesc si a fost o zi de care sunt multumita. Mi-am baut cafeaua cu un pic de lapte, m-am machiat (7 minute crono, the usual) iar in timp ce imi puneam manusile din piele neagra (care ma fac sa ma simt ca un bad ass rock star chiar si cand sunt la pamant) si mergeam spre masina un gand m-a atins gingas :
" Mada, stii tu ce zi e azi?"
 "Da, azi e luni, luni 25 Noiembrie."
 "Ok, si a ce iti miroase?"
 " A iarna, a zapada"
 "Super, fii pe faza".

Am stiut ca azi o sa se intample!

Dimineata am avut un val de consultatii! Dar impreuna cu Dr. K totul e mai usor si prind constant incredere in mine. E frumoasa si medicina generala, in felul ei. Ceea ce vreau sa zic este ca toata dimineata a fost un soare minunat! A fost o placere sa facem vizitele la domiciliu, chiar daca am ramas plantati in fata blocului unei doamne cu Alzheimer care nu a vrut nicicum sa ne deschida. Asa ca dna la etaj, noi la parter, ne mai lipsea chitara si scara, mai ales scara. Eram ca in Romeo si Julieta numai ca noua ne era frig! A fost destul de patetic.

Dar un soare, mon cher, ce soare! Asa ca am facut cateva mici cumparaturi, m-am intors acasa cu un zambet pe fata si cu mainile incalzite de la volanul cald :)

Dupa-masa am mancat acasa, cu colegele de apartament si apoi am plecat iar la lucru. Am vazut o gramada de copii! Am facut multe vaccinuri, it was distracting. Si la un moment, la ora 7 fara 20 nu mai era nici tipenie  de om in sala de asteptare. Ceea ce este foarte nebisnuit, de obicei terminam la ora 8 seara! Si cand am iesit eu din cabinet la ora 7 fix ce sa vad : NINGEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Iar cum francezii habar nu au cum sa conduca iarna si cum e un pic de zapada pe strada totul este paralizat, nu au venit la doctor! Ningea oameni buni cu fulgi mari si grasi! Despre asta soptea fluturele! Zapada mea draga e aici!






In alta ordine de idei, a fost atat de nebun si ne-bun anul asta si acum astept vestile bune, care incep sa vina. Ce bine e cand familia e bine, vorba lui louie din "Viata cu Louie" : "Familia e familie". Asa ca o sa ma duc la ski in vacanta, in Poiana Brasov, tata imi ceruieste déjà skiurile. Si o sa vad prieteni dragi de care imi era tare, tare dor!

Iar pentru moment incerc sa fac asta :

Si din ce in ce mai des ma simt ca si Alice in Tara Minunilor :

Am descoperit si am inceput sa accept ca :

Si am ales sa :

Pentru ca :

Noapte buna, sub zapada de clestar!
















Si va las cu ceva constructiv :  filosofia explicata in forme geometrice! :) click AICI

Calatorie spre centrul Pamantului

I am not Jules Vernes but I still have some stories to tell.
Travelling stories because I love traveling. For me it's a way of life. After 3 years I get itchy feet and I have to move forward. And I have to do at least 1 BIG TRAVEL every year. Unfortunately the last year was poor in traveling events but I will catch up the next year and that's a promise. This year it was Martinica (island). Next year there will be Reunion (island), Portugal and Italy.

But in order to remember my dear stories 'cause "verba volant scripta manent" I have decided to make a part of my blog a travelling one. Like a road journal which I am to lazy to keep properly. So the aquarelle of the first countries I visited will be made of scratches.

I will tell you stories about :
1) Serbia
2) Egypt
3) Taiwan
4) France
5) Bresil
6) Belgium
7) The Netherlands
8) UK
9) Germany
10) Spain
11) Swiss
12) Martinica
13) Italy
14) Croatia
15) Czeck Republic
16) Hungary

And I have to keep on travelling because it's such an amazing experience! Somehow it teaches you what you never learn in school. It makes you aware of your power to change yourself and the world but it also teaches you about how small you are in the universe. And I will stop traveling only when my hearts stop because traveling is time with myself, it's my source of energy and mainly because it makes me like this :

Take me on a spin with the mad hatter @ Europa Park

Let's drink some wine in Strasbourg and sail the seas of concrete!

Party with dear friends in Strasbourg some while ago.

Party in Mulhouse :)

Les arts scéniques at Selestat.

Music is my drug of choice and also people who laugh!

I'm always chasing dragons!

Familia e familie la Piraul Rece.

Vremea trece dar prietenii raman la Cluj :)

Brasov-ul meu drag si mama.

When in Paris Champs Elysées is a must!

And les Tuileries aussi...

My favourite place in Paris...le Pantheon : pendulul lui Foucault!!!

When in Montmartre laugh you heart out!

And dance with Pan in the Jardins de Luxembourg!

Christmas market in Colmar and friend gatering!

When in the Caraibean Sea : dive...

And drink some more until all gets blurry...

But all the good things come to an end!

Try not to dry out...

Make new friends...

And get to know the local culture....

And blend into the local colours...

So where do we go now???

To drink a Cosmopolitan, of course...

And eat some thai food...

Bananaaaaaaaaaaas!!!

And end it with a new adventure!

To start it over on top of the world...

With fire works

And crazy friends!!

Of course, that most of the time life is like this :

But who cares only about that part? :) Traveling is my drug of choice 'cause no one ends in addictology with no reason!